Onika Maraj
Queens, New York
Christmas Day🎄It was 5 p.m., and we were scattered around the house, eating and lounging. I was on the couch with Lauren and Solange, while Kelly, Beyoncé, and Angie sat at the table.
Nipsey had gone to see Jayceon, of course, and my moms were in the kitchen eating.
Lauren glanced over at me and said, "I can't believe I'm about to watch your pussy stretch again giving birth."
Solange burst out laughing. "Girl, what?"
I almost choked on my food from laughing so hard. "Bitch, you're not coming in the room with me ever again. You acted like you were my baby daddy."
Solange, still laughing, asked, "What did she do?"
"Wouldn't let my baby daddy hold my hand or nothing and then tried to tell the doctors what to do."
"Cause I knew he wasn't shit from day one" she said.
They both laughed, and Lauren shrugged.
I shook my head, still smiling. Amora was off playing with all her new toys, but I knew she hadn't eaten yet. "Mora, come get some food, baby."
"Mommy, I wanna play!" she called back, too busy to stop.
"You can, right after you eat something. Here." I held out my fork with some food, and she quickly ran over, took a bite, and went right back to her toys.
My baby had so much stuff, I had no idea where I was going to put it all.
Solange turned to me, her voice softening. "I'm so thankful it's you having my first official niece or nephew."
I couldn't help but get a little emotional. "Aww, Solange, don't make me cry right now."
"I'm serious," she said. "Her ex didn't just hurt her; she hurt all of us. We were all so ready and prepared for a new addition to our lives."
I leaned over and gave her a side hug, feeling the love from everyone around me.
Lauren, still curious, asked, "But how are you feeling about the pregnancy?"
I sighed, glancing over at Amora. "I'm happy, but a little sad."
"Sad? Why?" Solange asked.
I hesitated, not sure if I should say it out loud, but the guilt was heavy on my heart.
"Because I feel selfish for having another baby right now when they don't even know what's wrong with Amora."
I stared at my daughter, who was oblivious to everything, happily playing.
Lauren squeezed my hand. "Don't feel that way, boo. Amora wanted this too. It's not selfish—you've been the best mother to her, and you will be to your second."
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