All things ENFP

What MBTI type is my boyfriend?

So, in the last chapter, I talked about how a guy I dated (about 7-8 months ago) seemed to be an ENFP (he cognitive function tested as an INFP but he is way more extroverted than me, and says so himself, and I have also mistyped as an INFP) and in some ways we had similar personality traits. Enough about him though (read the last chapter if you want more details). 

So, what about my current boyfriend? What MBTI type is he, and are our types "compatible?"

So, at first, I thought he was an IXXP type, which now I'm not sure why because he is definitely a J type compared to me. Maybe it is because I really prioritize goals and may be a little more ambitious than him (but he's older than me and already has a career, I'm still in college. I'm pretty academically ambitious, and he only took one semester of college then decided he wanted to be a commercial driver instead, and he is pretty satisfied with what he is doing, whereas I just seem to be chasing more).

So he took the 16p test (which isn't accurate, I know, but it helps you get the "gist" of yout MBTI type). There are a few different factors as to why I thought his type was different from what he got (which now that I've gotten to know him better, his type makes sense, he just doesn't fit the stereotypical depiction of his type, but neither do I necessarily). 

One, he is about six years older than me. (I'm 19, he's 25). Before you come at me, we both met each other as consenting adults, in a very appropriate setting. I am in no way, shape or form, a victim just because we have a noticeable age difference. We are both young adults who have jobs and driver's licenses. Sometimes our age difference is obvious, but usually I don't notice it. While he does have more life experience than me, he treats me fairly and I don't let people talk down to me. Anyways I'm just saying his age is a factor that made me assume his MBTI was different than what he tested as. (and also I was pre-defending our relationship in case anyone reading felt like criticizing our age difference without knowing the context of our relationship...sorry lol). 

Next if of course our genders. We have a pretty typical straight relationship, and he is very masculine, and I am very feminine.  His hobbies are kind of typical "man hobbies". He likes trucks/cars, video games, producing music, he plays a few instruments, Star Trek/Star Wars, guns, fixing stuff...you know...just typical American man stuff. 

If you were to stereotype his MBTI based on his hobbies alone, you would probably guess he is an ISTP. My hobbies are pretty typical for my type but seem to align more with INFPs because people think that extroverts can't enjoy reading or writing, or anything that is self-reflective and involves being alone.  Anyways, I'm saying gender is a component to me not being sure about his type because people think that all women are feelers and all men are thinkers. 

So he is an IXXJ type. I know, I'm keeping you guys hanging, but I promise the reveal is worth it. 

What about N vs S?

I honestly wasn't too sure about this one. This one was hard to figure out, but he tested as an N. Now despite his hobbies seeming like someone who has dominant or auxiliary Se would enjoy, he actually struggles with things like motion sickness, (both of us don't like to swim, amusement parks, heights (I get vertigo on bridges), motion sickness). We are both very in our heads and struggle to be in the present. When he drives for his job, he told me he likes to try to anticipate what cars on the road are doing ahead of time, and he also takes great priority in planning ahead. Many of these traits (sensory struggles and focusing on the future) are very typical of REAL INXJ types, and Ni doms (also Ne doms too, both struggle to be in the real world). 

(Another sign of low Se is that he likes to pretty much only wear black.  Dominant Ni users tend to not pay too much attention to color or find too much color to be overstimulating. He has seriously told me this as well. He feels insecure in colorful clothing). 

What about F vs T? Is he a feeler or thinker?

This one was also hard. He is pretty obviously an introvert and has a lower social battery than I do (but that is a given since I am the extrovert in the relationship). Oddly enough though, he wants to spend a lot of time calling on the phone, and I need space sometimes. When we're physically together though, I'm all over him and can't leave him alone. (Phone calls kind of make me anxious though and sometimes I'd rather be doing other things. He could seriously call and text me forever, but in person I'm the clingier one, but it's pretty even honestly). 

So I had trouble guessing if he was an F or T. He does not care for most people and (jokingly) says a lot of judgmental things about them. In spite of this, he does get lonely occasionally and wants to connect with people (but not too many people...more like person...aka me >:). Also some of his hobbies like I mentioned before don't seem feeler-y (except maybe music, but he's more into the instrumental aspect of music whereas I focus more on lyrics than he does). He also tested as 49% thinking, but largely I think it is because he is a guy, and he does sort of try to hide his sensitivity. When he is around me and his mom, he is seriously just the biggest sweetheart, but I wondered if that was just because he loves us and maybe he is still just a thinking type, but no he is a feeler. 

Btw, I could already tell he uses Fe, and not really Fi...and now I can also tell he doesn't use Ne. I'm usually the one who comes up with the more spontaneous ideas of what to do, so...that's kind of a given because I'm a P and a dominant Ne user. He definitely prioritizes my feelings and his friends' feelings even when he doesn't want to...and sometimes after a situation he'll feel pretty bad about it after the fact...and he has told me he get's random feelings of empathy for people that make him feel sad, but like...in private. 

He also doesn't use Te. He seems to be more detail oriented in his thinking than I am...and as I have stated before, I am sort of the more assertive and ambitious person between the two of us (it isn't extreme, but it's obvious enough. I'm more blunt than he is, but I'm very sensitive too...being an ENFP is weird...). So it seems he uses Ti rather than Te based on my observations. 

So, In case you couldn't figure it out, he tested as an INFJ, and I think he actually is one. (Also our types are considered very compatible, and I am close to 2 other INFJs...and none of them are the same. I love them and struggle with them in different ways). 

I still need to have him take a cognitive function test, but I'm honestly pretty confident about his type. 

I know I've talked a bit of smack about INFJs...but I'm talking about the online "INFJs" who like to put the other types down. The actual INFJs I know who I forced to take the test and have tried to type them don't really care about MBTI...meaning I think they are much more common in life than we think...it's just that not everyone is interested in MBTI, and that is okay. You don't need MBTI to understand yourself. 

At the end of the day we don't always fit our "type" perfectly, and there are a lot of mistypes and people act different depending on the situation. 

Regardless, the INFJ x ENFP thing seems to be canonical in my life so...take that with what you will.