bambi eyes || tradley

10. to belong

"Tris?"

All it took was that little voice to resume the twenty-one-year-old's conscious and have him rolling over onto his side to the smaller boy sitting on the other side of the bed, legs crossed Indian style. Half of his frown was illuminated by the TV, reflecting a random set of colours on the side of his sad face. Tristan furrowed his brows at the unusual expression. He'd fallen asleep to him smiling.

"Yeah?" Tristan slowly replied, rubbing two fist over his temporarily cloudy eyesight.

Slowly, he sunk underneath the blankets, scooting closer to the man's body. "I feel terrible."

"Like, nauseous?" he questioned.

"I don't know." Bambi let out a long sigh, surprisingly not humoured by the air escaping from his mouth. "I was just sitting here, thinking, and then my chest felt like a heavy weight had been pressed on top of it. It feels so terrible."

"What were you thinking about?" The young boy didn't reply. Instead, he buried his face into the blankets, like he were embarrassed. "It's okay, Bambi. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I don't want to end up alone," he quietly admitted, his words muffled by the blankets. Tristan gently tugged them off to the curly-haired boy looking up at him with a frown. "I do not have a family, Tris. I was thinking about my family, but it was difficult, because I don't have any faces to remember. I don't have anyone."

The blond's heart ached. It was like listening to himself as a child, wondering who his family was, and if he were ever going to have one. The fear of never being a part of anything choked him. It followed him wherever he went and weighed him down. He didn't think he'd ever get the chance to have a family. He didn't think he'd ever get a chance to look at someone and call them his mum or his dad.

"Bambi," Tristan softly said, "want in on a little secret?"

"Yeah, kind of."

"You remember what I told you about my parents? How I told you my real parents are like a figment of my imagination?" The curly-haired boy nodded. "For a long period of my life, I didn't have a family, Bambi. I didn't remember them - I still don't remember them - and I was waiting for a long time to find where I belonged. I was worried about never finding out, but after a few years, my family found me.

"Sometimes blood doesn't always decide who your family is. Sometimes your heart does."

Bambi nodded understandingly before anxiously asking: "But what if I'm not as lucky? What if my family never find me, Tris?"

"They will," Tristan reassured him. "Don't worry about it. They come when you least expect it, and it's amazing, okay?"

The curly-haired boy nodded, a small smile hesitantly finding its way on his lips. "I can't wait until that day... I wonder if I'm even capable of being a part of something, anyways."

He easily nodded. "You already are a part of something, Bambi."

"What?"

"Us," he elaborated. "You're a part of us."

Bambi smiled, snaking his arms around the taller boy and unexpectedly pressing his body against his. Tristan's muscles tensed at sudden loss of personal space. "I find comfort in you," Bambi told him, which sounded so strange coming from a mouth, but at the same time, the statement touched a little part of him.

Tristan locked his fingers around the smaller boy's bicep, struggling to peel his body away. He wished he'd recover from his cuddly mood. Tristan was gradually becoming accustomed to Bambi's strange behaviour, and maybe he accepted the fact the curly-haired boy always wanted to share a bed with him, but he definitely wasn't comfortable with cuddling someone he'd only known for two weeks. "I don't really feel comfortable with people touching me..."