Endless Love (Jessie J)

Chapter 40: The aftermath.

Holly's POV

"I don't understand, Jess!" I was pacing up and down in front of the couch where she was seated on. I wondered how she could just sit there, something that was completely impossible for me to do. This whole situation had freaked me out like crazy. And the way Jessie sat there staring into the nothing didn't really add some help to that.

"Jessica?!" I had to keep myself from grabbing her shoulders and shaking her up. Then again I wondered why I didn't just do so. She deserved it, this whole situation was something that never should have happened. After all those years...

"I don't understand", I repeated, rather begging for an explanation instead of projecting my anger on her this time. I eventually forced myself to sit down across of her on the couch. I tried to catch her gaze with my eyes, but she seemed to stare right through me. I was slightly losing it. I felt like I had been talking to human walls for the whole afternoon, first Rose and now Jess. I couldn't handle it anymore.

"I don't know what I was thinking", Jessie suddenly broke the silence, as if she had read my mind. Her voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper, but at least it was something. I reached for her hand and she let me take it. I softly massaged the back of it with my thumbs, moving in circles over her skin. Something we always used to do when we were kids. I knew it comforted her, relaxed her even, and all I could do was hoping that it would defrost a layer of her shock this time. It seemed to work, as the natural look of life slowly returned into her eyes. I knew I had to be careful right now, I had to keep her here, and not push her away again. That's why I spoke up softly.

"Jessica, please, explain to me how this could ever happen. After all those years... Did you always keep her away from the papz?" She shrugged her shoulders, hopelessly, like she genuinely didn't know the answer. "What about events, red carpets, concerts,...?" I carefully continued. Something finally seemed to change in her.

"I don't know, Holly... I don't understand it myself... You know I've always strived to keep my private life private, but you've also stood by my side through the whole drama that came on our way already very soon when we started dating. Rose's face was in  every magazine and over the whole internet that time. I've also taken her to parties and events a couple times through the years, whenever she felt like it. We've faced papz before, but... Apart from the early days, Dave has always been with us. He's kept away the papz as good and as bad as he could, so Rose never got to face how cruel they can be. She's never faced situations like this before, because they never went after her when she was out on her own. It was never interesting for them to get her in a picture without me. But now..." She started shaking her head in disbelief and I could just tell how she was blaming herself for all of this.

"It's not your fault, Jess", I tried, but I already knew she wouldn't listen to that.

"I asked her to go without me, to protect her and the baby from such a situation... Never would I have expected they would jump on her like that... I feel so awful, Holly. I feel like... Like I have failed as a mother already."

"Ohh, Jess..." I scooted closer to her and took her in my arms. I knew she was fighting against the tears. She probably wouldn't let them out, but that didn't mean that she was being strong. She was just keeping it all inside, and sooner or later it would kill her anyway. "You haven't failed", I said while stroking her back. ""You couldn't predict this... No one could!" A frustrated sigh got let out as she pushed herself up again.

"I need to... I need to go check on Rose. I uhm..." She looked so messed up all of a sudden, I just felt sorry for her. "Maybe it's better if you leave", she eventually said. "You have no idea how thankful I am that you took care of her and brought her home and everything. I have no idea how I'm ever gonna make that up to you. But right now... It's my time to fix things..." It kinda hurt me that she wouldn't let me take care of her too, but I decided not to show it. I just nodded understandingly and stood up, heading towards the hallway.