Endless Love (Jessie J)

Chapter 3: Overthinking everything.

Rose's POV

I was wide awake, listening to the beautiful sound of Jessie's heartbeat. Her warm chest was rising and falling dramatically, and the soft noises she made told me she was still in a deep rest. It was only six in the morning, but being awake at this early hour wasn't anything new for me. A Sunday morning didn't seem to change that. Over the last few months I hadn't done anything else but waking up at this time, with only one thing on my mind. It kept me worry all day long, especially after what was said the night before Jessie had left for the Phillipines. I wanted to bring the subject up again, so badly. But at the same time, the last thing I wanted was another fight. So what did I have to do? Forget about it? Or take the risk?

I sighed and pushed myself up, trying not to wake Jessie. She started stirring once my head had left her chest, but just continued sleeping peacefully. I smiled at the sight of her face. I always found it so cute to see that Jessie regularly smiled in her sleep. Then I wondered what she'd be dreaming about. I could feel the smile on my own face fade when I realised that she probably wouldn't be dreaming about the same thing as me. She had other aspirations. And since the day we had been together, I had always believed that would never form a problem. But right now, I wasn't so sure of that anymore.

I pulled on one of Jessie's dressing gowns and made myself a cup of tea in the kitchen. Then I made my way to the living room and sat down on the bench in the bay window. Over the years we had lived here, this had become my favourite place in the world. From here I had a view on the beautiful woods, and sometimes I could even hear the birds sing. I could spend hours on that bench, reading a book or filling in crosswords. But most of the time, I'd just stare outside and let my mind take me to other places. Especially the last few weeks, I'd just sit here and think. I was so desperate to find a way to make her understand how much I wanted this. I had come to an age, to a point in my life where I wanted nothing more than building up my own family. It's not like our love wasn't enough for me, but is there a more beautiful product of love than a child? To be honest, I really thought Jessie would think the same way about that. The way she takes care of Matt when he's around always melts my heart. I think that was the main reason why I still didn't get her outburst from that night. Why had she become so angry? She should've seen this coming for a long time. We had been together for freaking eight years. It's not like we had just got to know each other. She had always known about the fact that I wanted to start a family with her one day. So why was this so hard?

I could feel how a certain anger started building up in my body and I knew that I had to give it a rest. I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the cold glass of the bay window. I wondered why, after being together for such a long time, we just couldn't talk about this. Jessie could've just explained her opinion without turning it into a fight. We could've just listened to each other. And I wondered why it was so hard for me to let go of it. I loved her so much, and that had always been enough. Why was I craving for something more so badly right now? But I realised I wasn't that young girl anymore. We had been through so much and we had grown up. And Jessie had built up a golden career. But what had I done? Exactly. 

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I must have fallen asleep against the window, as suddenly two arms wrapped around me and woke me up. I blinked confusedly to make sense out of where I was, then realised the overthinking must have gotten too tiring. I leaned my head against Jessie's and breathed in her sweet scent. She had just taken a shower, 'cause I could still smell her shampoo. 

"What time is it?" I asked huskily. 

"Around noon", Jessie replied with a smirk. I was surprised, but tried not to show it. 

"Oh, I must have dozed off for a few minutes then." I hated to lie to her, but I just didn't want her to know about my messed up sleeping patern. It would only make things more difficult. To my relief, Jessie didn't go into it anymore. Instead, she sat down behind me on the bench and wrapped her body around mine. Her arms were locked around my stomach and her legs touched mine. Her lips were pressed against my neck and didn't move anymore. And I wished we could sit like that forever.