On The Run

Chapter Fourteen

At first, I was just watching as Ty had the upper hand. He was sprawled against the cop, pinning him down, with the gun as he gave him a punch in the face. I felt bad, seeing the cop helpless, but I didn't want Ty to lose either.

So many conflicting emotions, but no motivation to do anything about it, I just stood there in shock. everything almost worked out so well. Until things started to change.

Suddenly, the cop kicked Ty right in between his legs. As Ty fell to the side, clutching his groin, the cop started to get up. Ty, wincing, kicked his the cops leg and made him fall, dropping his gun.
What do I do? I know I have a gun, but there is no way I could do that...

Unfortunately, the cop landed on top of Ty, and I'm glad of the fire and commotion to keep the attention away from this fight. This is not going to end well if I don't do something.

A few things could happen at this point.
1) Ty could hurt the cop really bad and we would get away, but then the cop would be a witness. Not good, because then there would have been no reason to delete his face from the cameras, they would already know we were here.
2) the building could explode before the fire truck could get here, killing us all. I Don't like that one either.
3) the cop could get the better hand of Ty and arrest him, leaving me guilty of setting the building on fire. I wouldn't then be arrested as well. Nope.
4) the cop could kill Ty. That thought brings tears to my eyes out of frustration.
5) the cop could get killed. None of these options are any good. I have no idea what to do.
Do I help Ty by jumping on the cop? Then the police would know I'm siding with him for sure. That's not a good idea.

My parents would never pay the ransom, and I would never see my brother again. Unless he came to visit me in jail.

I decide to keep my focus on the fight.

The cop gets a hold of the gun again, but my strong Ty wards him off moving the gun away from his face. And Ty punches him again.

I think I hear the cop groan, and again I just want this all to be over so I don't have to see this torture.

Why did Ty get out of the car? I had everything under control until he came and screw it all up. I never imagined that he could cause so much trouble in this strategy.

As a matter of fact, when I went through all of the flaws that I would have to overcome with this plan, he was not in one of them. I'm not prepared for this.

The cop seems to be trying to roll himself in a ball to block Ty's brutal blows. But I see it wrong, he pulls out his taser gun and he gets Ty.
I yell as I see Ty starts to convulse and scream in agony.

But somehow, he manages to knock the gun out of his hand, but the cop still had controlled of the situation as he pins down a now weakened Ty.

I watch in horror as I see the gun in the cops hand once again, aiming right for Ty. My Ty.

Ty can barely hold his own anymore, and I know, soon, he won't be alive. Then what? I'd be lost without him.

I pull out my gun.
So many questions roll my mind all at once.
What did he say to do to get rid of the safety?
Do I trust my aim?
What if I miss and shoot Ty?

Either way, whether or not I hit the right target, I will still be a murderer. A killer.
Will I ever be able to look myself in the face again?

Finally figuring out the safety on the gun, I take aim. One mistake, and I will kill Ty.

I look right at the cops head, if I'm going to shoot someone, I want it done quick. I release my breath, and pull the trigger.

It's all slow motion. Ty realizes what I'm doing, and lays as flat as possible, as the cop looks horrified, realizing his inevitable death... At my hands.
He's dead.
I killed him.
I drop to my knees, as I grab my head screaming. But my noise doesn't mask the fire and the sirens.
 
My hands are in my hair, pulling, and I feel the cold metal gun against the side of my head. Reminder of what I have just done. What I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

What if he had a wife?
What if he was a father? My sobs consume me, I can't handle this.

I feel hands gently pull the gun from my hands. And moments later, they are around my stomach, lifting me up, but I can't move.
"No!" I protest and sob.

It's useless, I'm being carried back into the woods. I scream in horror as we step over the man I just killed.
"No!" Again, I can't control myself, it's the only thing I can let out.

Once we are out of view, Ty drops  to the ground, holding me. Rocking me. Back and forth, holding me together as I feel I'm falling apart at the seams.

"I killed him. I killed him. I killed him!" Over and over again I let out my screams. Each time they are getting louder.

"Sh sh! I know, I know I'm so sorry, Iz!" He puts his lips to my head and still rocks me, consoling me.

"Why? Why did you get out of the car?" I keep sobbing my words. They are barely audible. But he knows what I said. And his grip on me tightens as he says,
"I know, this is my fault Iz, I'm so sorry. When you didn't come back after twenty minutes, I thought something went wrong. I'm so sorry. I couldn't handle the thought of losing you!" He says whispering the words trying to calm me.

I just close my eyes. I block out everything, the sirens, Ty, holding me, my brother, my parents, and it's just me.
Me and my hatred. I hate myself. There had to be another way. I reacted too quick and I ruined everything.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I wake up with tear streamed cheeks, they are still wet. I was crying in my sleep. Reliving the nightmare.

Ty is at the edge of the bed, holding my hand. His thumb making a circle as he traces around my skin. He has been crying too. But he's not anymore.
I can see his red eyes, and I feel so bad.
I caused this.

He looks at me, trying to take all my pain away.

"I am so sorry." He says. And I don't want to accept it. I want to slap him across the face. But I know it wasn't his fault. I know he was scared for me.

I had pushed to go in alone, I had pushed to try to be the hero. But I became the villain.

Even though I don't blame him anymore, I still can't quite tell him it's ok. Because it's not. I am no longer a 17 year old girl in love. I am now a broken girl with a helpless heart. I love Ty, but what I just did... I crossed a line.

Right now, all I can manage is an
"I know." And I hope that's enough for him to understand that I don't hate him.

I slip out of bed and start to walk toward the bathroom, but Ty grabs my hand and yanks me into his arms.

He knows I am not ok. He knows I need something someone to tell me what I did was the right thing, even though it wasn't.
"You saved my life. I screwed up and you saved my life." A tear rolls down my cheek.
"If I could have traded places with you, I would. Thank you Iz. My strong Iz. I love you." He says, rocking me again.

I know if I say anything I will just start sobbing again, and I don't want to.
Instead I burry my face into his welcoming chest. I can feel his shirt become wet with my salty tears. But Ty doesn't move. He still holds me, not letting go, and he protects me from my dark thoughts as I just breath in his scent.
He smells of his clean soap, or maybe it's cologne. He smells a little musty from being in the trailer, but for some reason, it comforts me. Our home. But he also smells of smoke.

Smoke from the building where I killed a man.

His dead body flickers in my mind. Blood spewing from the bullet hole in his head.

I look at Ty's face as he gives me a small kiss, an "I love you no matter what" kiss. And at his release, I get up and walk to the bathroom.

I want to rid myself of this guilt, and maybe the warm water in the small shower will help.

I step inside the shower, watching the head as water consumes me. The warmth consoling me. I listen to the noise as it drops from my body to the ground.
Mixing with my tears.

I step out of the shower, wrap myself in a towel, and look in the mirror.
At my eyes, a murderer's eyes.
At my nose, a murderer's nose.
At my mouth, a murderer's mouth.
And at my hands. My murdering hands come up to the mirror, and before I can stop myself, I punch it.

I look at my now shattered reflection.
"Your a killer!" I scream over and over again, until I drop to the floor. Clutching my bleeding hand.