Lost Without You (AOTC)

Ninth

I pack my bags into my shuttle silently that night. I'm weary, and that's probably not a good factor for piloting all the way back to Coruscant overnight. I suddenly no longer have the aching feeling to be with Padmé. I've accepted the truth.

There she is. Standing in the doorway, looking out, watching me leave. So innocent. So kind.

Do I take my decision back? Do I decide to love her once more? To abandon the rules of a Jedi and marry her, careless of the mistakes I made by doing so? What do I do?

I run halfway down the ramp, and then decide, Stop! Stop it! You told yourself you wouldn't give in. Leave her! Don't break the rules of the Order or you'll pay. I start back up the ramp of my shuttle, but Padmé calls me, "Anakin!" I find myself shocked, and slowly I turn around to face her.

"Goodbye, Anakin," she says. "I love you."

I can't take it anymore. Finally I break down. I don't get any closer, but I say, "I love you, Padmé. I always will," as I avert my eyes and run back up the ramp. I want to kiss her lips so, so bad. But I tear myself away from my love and fly, away off to Coruscant. Away from my Angel.

***********************************

Obi-Wan watches me curiously as I train, dueling lightsabers with another Padawan. He's silent the whole time, watching me with his hand to his chin. I wait and wait for some sort of feedback, but so far, nothing.

Finally, he says, "Stop. Anakin, you are not listening to me. I said --"

"Yeah, I get it Master. Look, I'm exhausted and I can't concentrate. Can I get some rest?"

"Very well. Just don't be too long."

A few hours later, I get a holomessage from Padmé asking me to be at the wedding, which is in a few days' time. She sends a following message after that, which reads, I need your support.

I sigh and shake my head, responding. I'll be there.

I can sense her, all the way in Naboo, smiling at my answer. She wants me there. She wants my help, my support. For once, I feel... wanted.

By her.

I pace the hallways until I run into Obi-Wan, who looks shocked at my appearance. "You're up already?" he asks.

"Never mind that," I say quickly. "Two weeks in Naboo. That's it."

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes. "Anakin, I thought we discussed this already. I told you you had a few days, and you said you wanted to come back early. That was your fault for leaving so early."

"Master, you have to hear me out. Just this one time."

Obi-Wan growls and lets his head fall in his palm in defeat. "Two weeks. Don't ask me for another break for five years."

"Will do. Thank you, Master. Thank you!" I smile and run off, packing my bags for Naboo. I'm off -- to save Padmé from further emotional destruction.