Live your life (ryden boyxboy)

Chapter 4; Letters

(Photo of Ryan)

When my dad finally sobered up a little, I was let out of the hospital. Dad wasn't very happy with me, and locked me in my room all weekend. Now it's Monday, which means back to school. Monday's are literally the worst thing ever created.
Walking into school, I was greeted by Wes.
"Hey fag. How was your weekend? Horrible I'm hoping." He sneered at me.
"Why do you care?"
"You see, my buddies and I have a little bet going on when you're going to kill yourself. I think you're too much of a pussy, so I like to make sure it stays that way."
"Wow Wes! I'm touched. All this time I thought you wanted me to die, but now that I know you want me alive... Well, that changes everything." I said dryly.
"Oh, I still want you to die. I just don't think you'll kill yourself any time soon." Wes said like a snob, and walked away. I sighed in relief, and made my way to my locker. When I opened it I found a letter. At first I was a little scared to read it, but read it anyway.
Dear Ryan,
I know things might seem a little tough right now, but keep pushing. One day your life will be so much better! I don't know when that day will come for you, but trust me it will. Don't give up. Never feel like no one cares about you, because I care about you Ryan.
- stay strong,
B.U.D.A
I didn't know what to make of the letter, so I kept reading it over and over again. Who on Earth would send me a letter like this? I had to get to class, so I stuffed the letter in my pocket and practically ran to class.
My teacher droned on and on about who knows what. I sat and acted like I was paying attention like the good little student I was, when I felt something hit my shoulder. Turning around, I saw a crumpled up piece of paper on the floor. Maybe it's from the same person who left the note in my locker. When I opened it, it was obvious it wasn't from the same person:
Sign if you thing Ryan Ross should kill himself.

My entire class signed it.... I could feel a lump in my throat, and my wrist were begging to be sliced. I didn't know what to do. There was no escape this time. My hands started shaking. My vision got blurry. I couldn't take it! Jumping out of my seat, I ran out of the class into the hallway. The whole time my teacher was yelling at me, but I needed out. I ran into the bathroom, locked the door, and slid to the ground. My entire body was shaking. The world seemed so distant.
"Deep breaths.", I told myself over and over again. "You can do this Ryan." I gasped for air my lungs weren't getting. "I can't do this!" I sobbed and went to full on panic attack mode. I haven't had a panic attack in a while, but I guess they're back. Tears were streaming down my face as I was losing a battle for air.
"Breath." This time it wasn't me talking. Actually, I have no clue who was talking, but I've heard that voice before. It was the same voice from the hospital and the same voice from when I got beat up.
"Breath Ryan, you can do it." I shock my head no, but air was already getting into my lungs easier. "There you go, keep breathing." The voice was so soothing, and I was convinced it could get me to do anything. "There you go. I'm so proud of you Ryan. You need to go home and get some rest." The voice slowly faded into a slight whisper until it was gone. Picking myself off of the floor, I splashed water onto my face, then walked out of the bathroom.
"Oh darn. Looks like you didn't kill yourself in there." I ignored Wes and kept walking. "Where you going Fag?" He called out.
"Home." Was all I said to him.
"Ryan, do us all a favor and kill yourself when you get there." I was use to Wes saying things like that, but this time he sounded sincere.
Maybe I will this time. Maybe I'll kill myself when I get home. Maybe I'll finally get a break from all this pain.