A Door To Nowhere

Days left: 27

I take a deep breath, placing my hand against the common room door. This is it now. Once I go in there, everyone will see me, and they'll be no turning back. A couple of year seven's give me curious glances, and I scrabble for my phone, pretending I'm not standing outside to summon the courage to let people see me in my new clothes.

They disappear around the corner, and I face the door again. My shoulders tense, and then I'm walking inside, trying to look as bored and disinterested as possible.

Saffron and Will are sat in the corner already. I make a beeline for them, not daring to look at anyone else as I pass. I can feel a few pairs of eyes on me, but I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other instead. This is it again – those baby steps.

Saffron's mouth falls open as she looks at me. Will grins, and pulls a chair out next to him, gesturing for me to sit down.

'Okay,' Saffron says, her eyes raking me over. 'When did you decide to do this?'

'Last night,' I say, self-consciously pulling my hair over one shoulder. 'Part of my living for the moment plan. I might as well wear what I want if I've only got months to dress up.'

'Rory, you look great,' Will says, staring at my clothes. 'But I'm not sure exactly if this fits dress code regulations.'

I glance down at myself. I saw this skirt in the same window Saffron glimpsed her potential prom dress. It's a deep red, extremely fitted, and the shortest thing I've ever worn. The only thing that went with it was a loose white t-shirt I bought last summer.

Saffron tugs at the leather jacket I also threw on this morning. 'And this. When did you start looking like such a badass?'

I smooth down the collar where she's fiddled with it. 'I realized there's no point saving money anymore. I wanted a change. Change is good, right?'

'Change is great,' Will says firmly. 'Just... try not to go too dramatic.'

'They're just clothes, Will,' I say. 'They're not going to turn me into some wild high school rebel.'

The bell rings, and we join the line of sixth-formers trooping into the assembly hall. I catch people giving me sideward glances, but no-one seems outraged or appalled at my new look. They look like they're considering me, as if they've never really had to before.

Someone knocks against my elbow, and I turn to automatically apologize. It's a bad habit I need to get out of.

Amused eyes stare down at me, lingering as they reach the pale skin of my legs. My stomach twists, and I immediately turn away. I'm not sure I'm ready to hear what Charlie Flint has to say about me yet.

'New look?' he asks me, sounding surprisingly serious. My head swivels back to look at him, and I try to make my face relax.

'I guess,' I say. 'Feel like I needed a change.'

'A change?' he repeats, arching an eyebrow. 'Is that what nose piercings and short skirts amount to these days?'

I feel his gaze sweep over me again, and it's difficult to tell whether he's mocking me. I try not to flush, and set my jaw.

'You don't have to like it,' I tell him. 'Look away if it's bothering you.'

His face splits into a grin. 'I like it. I'm not sure the head of sixth form will though.'

He disappears through the doorway, and joins Reuben and Josh at the end of the back row. Saffron elbows me in the ribs from behind.

'He is such a dick,' she says, laughing quietly. 'I don't get it at all.'