A Door To Nowhere

Days left: 22

The ground is cold beneath me, and I wake up with blades of grass tickling my face. The rest of the tepee is silent, only their quiet, steady breaths escaping into the early morning air. I drag myself upright, and my head immediately begins to pound. For a few seconds, my vision dissolves into greyness, and I fumble around the blankets for some water. But all that's left is alcohol, the shiny cans igniting in me a sudden desire to start retching.

I stagger my way out of the tent, and into the field. The light is almost blinding. I shield my eyes, and make my way to the toilets on the other side of the site. I really shouldn't have drank so much, I think, forcing my legs to move faster. There's a horrible rising sensation in my chest, like my head and stomach are going to simultaneously explode-

Too late. I crouch down, trying to spit the taste from my mouth. The vomit stains the grass, my parting gift to this festival. I let myself kneel there for a few minutes, waiting for the dizziness to pass. When I stand up, I already feel better – like my body knows how to shake off the poison trying to invade my bloodstream.

I use the toilets quickly, and when I'm far enough away, I take a few deep breaths of the cold air. There's no-one around at this time – everyone's still tucked up in their tents, sleeping off the night before. A sudden grin tugs at the corners of my mouth as I remember yesterday's events. The singing, shouting, dancing, kissing, drinking... it was a night no-one will forget in a while. The night Rory Keleman discovered what fun really is.

My head throbs as I walk back to the tent, but I can't stop the smile spreading across my face. Somehow, I feel like this is a turning point. And I can stay where I am, on the edge of jumping into life. Or I can go bundling forward and not look back.

I yank the flaps of the tent open, and immediately fall over someone lying in the entrance.

'Sorry,' I whisper, trying to pick myself up as neatly as possible.

'Don't worry about it,' Charlie mutters beside me. His eyes are still closed, but he smirks a little. 'Grace doesn't come naturally to everyone.'

I flush, and then force down the embarrassment flooding through me. I don't need to care about stupid, inane things anymore. I just don't have the time.

'Neither does intelligence,' I say breezily. 'Which is such a shame.'

Charlie's eyes fly open, and his eyebrows furrow together in confusion as he looks over at me. 'Christ. Someone woke up sassy this morning.'

'Is that an insult?' I say, sliding back into the blankets.

He cocks his head, rubbing a hand sleepily through his ruffled hair. 'Take it however you want, love.'

My stomach twists involuntarily. I pretend I'm ignoring him, but I have to turn away to hide the grin threatening to split my face.

There's a rustle of the sleeping bags, and then Charlie's climbing to his feet. 'We better start packing up soon. Josh has some hot date at ten.'

He exits the tepee, and I fumble around for my phone. Beside me, Will groans, and Saffron scrapes her hair back from her face.

'I think I'm dead,' she says, her voice hoarse. 'I think I've died and this is my punishment.'

'Five more minutes,' Will says blearily. He collapses back into the grass, and is immediately asleep again.

I finally find my phone, and hit the call screen button. A black rectangle greets me. I wonder at what point in the night it died, and at what point I was going to remember to call my mother. For a fraction of a second, a spark of fear hits me. She's going to go ballistic when I get home; I stayed out all night without telling her where I was. But then the same sense of recklessness from last night spills through me. I don't need to care anymore – she'll have forgotten all about this in a week. So why spend time dwelling on things that don't matter?