A Door To Nowhere

Days left: -1

'Rory.' Saffron's disbelieving voice cuts through the silence. 'Rory. You're – you're still here!'

I can hear her talking right beside me, but I feel numb to the core. I'm still alive.

How am I still alive?

'Oh my God,' Will says, and his fingers twist into my own. 'Rory!'

I can't open my eyes. I have to stay in this disorientating blackness, otherwise I'll start crying and never stop. This wasn't supposed to happen. Everything was supposed to end here. I feel cold all over, a creeping terror spilling through me.

'Rory!' Saffron starts to shake me. 'What are you doing? You're alive. It's Saturday morning.'

A minute passes, but I can't bring myself to look up. I should be dead right now. I should be with Dorika, free of everything holding me down on earth. Did she predict my deathday wrong?

Will starts to laugh. 'This is – I can't believe it. I should have known this wasn't real. No-one can predict a death.'

'Yes they can!' I burst out. My eyes have snapped open, and I blink in the glare of the florescent lights. 'Dorika did it. She did her own.'

Saffron rubs her forehead warily. 'Are you – are you unhappy about not dying?'

'It was a coincidence,' Will says, shaking his head. 'A weird coincidence. She never predicted it.' He glances over at Saffron. 'And of course she's happy she's not dead. Right, Rory?'

I stare at the floor. My head feels like it might explode. I can't decide whether I'm confused, relived, happy or humiliated. How could Dorika get this so wrong?

'Rory,' Saffron pleads. 'Tell me you don't want to die.'

'I don't want to die!' I say, my voice echoing loudly around the office. 'I mean, I didn't want to die. That's why I was trying to do so much before today came around. But – I prepared for this. In my head, this was it. My time to go. The end.'

'But now it's not,' Will says, and puts his arm around my shoulders. 'You have your whole life ahead of you. That's incredible, Rory.'

I think of my life back in Dewington. My family, my friends, school, the future. And then I think of the last few months, the things I've done in that time. Things I can't escape from.

'I've messed up,' I whisper. 'I've messed up so badly.'

I was living like I had no future, nothing to plan for. I let things get out of control. Exams start next week, and the entire school hates me. It's a miracle I managed to salvage things with Will and Saffron before convincing them to come here with me.

'This is a good thing,' Will says firmly. 'You can start over. I don't care what you say, Rory. You living is much better than you dying.'

A dull ache starts to slowly ripple through my brain. I have so much to think about. So many apologies to make.

Saffron shuffles closer towards us, and pulls us into a hug. Then we sit back against the metal seats, and wait.

***

The automatic doors begin to open when I'm still three metres away from the airport entrance.

The security officer makes it clear that he's walking me all the way to the car. It's still raining heavily, but the gales have started to ease. I manage to make it four steps out of the terminal before my parents storm towards me in a hurricane of tears.

'We thought you were dead,' Mum says, yanking me into a hug. 'What were you thinking?'

My Dad pulls me into his arms. 'Don't you dare do that to me again. We thought – I thought I'd never see you again. And in this storm too, Rory. Were you trying to give me a heart attack?'