Alone in the dark

Last

I had to savour every moment of it.
I felt the need to. I turned away from everyone. The innocent looks on their faces. They didn't have a clue what I was up to and I wouldn't give 3 flying monkeys about it. I didn't even have the time to judge myself. I had no subconscience. They'll never find out because Today was my last.
It was hard and soft all over. I rubbed my tongue all over it and had it fill my mouth. I gave it a bite. That was all I could do now. After today, I vow, I wouldn't ever again.
This was my last time. I owed myself this. I dug in further with my teeth. The familiar feeling of the cold confection. The comforting warmth of it.
I drew in a large breath, soul melted: eyes widened, nostrils flared. The feeling almost perfect, but only almost. There's no stopping myself now. I couldn't swallow. That would be too quick. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together. I let the contents of my mouth spread across my tongue., relishing this. A moment of Salvation but not of Heaven
There was no time for this reflection.
It felt like self-deception. I told myself no coming back here. I remember the last time and the last before that last.
The last time I stole ice cream from the fridge