Sleepless Nights

Why do you wear it?

Today I went to the store an for some unknown reason I had a mental break down.

I walked in to the store like I've done countless time. I got to the produce section and that's when it hit me.

I got a wave of anxiety mixed with depression. I took deep breaths and avoided everyone and made no I contact.

But just my luck some random guy seemed to notice me and kept crossing paths and kept making eye contact. This just sent me through the roof. I've never been able to handle eye contact especially with strangers. I can barely do eye contact with family and friends, and most of the time I have to fight to keep it through a conversation.

If it were up to me I would of left then and there. I had given my mom a ride to the store and she was also doing her shopping, so I couldn't just leave. She doesn't know I go through these things so I couldn't just leave with no explanation. I had to suffer through the whole shopping trip without her noticing and trying to get my thoughts under control.

So I did what I do when I'm faced with these scenarios. I when to my wrist. No not for what you think. I have never cut. I always talk myself into not doing it. I have never got to extreme of needing to cut but I feel attraction to attack my wrists.

It alway starts with a need to scratch my wrist. I know my anxiety is high when this happens. Most of the time I can get by by just rubbing or scratching my wrist until the anxiety goes away.

But today the scratching was not helping. I when to snapping the hair tie that I always wear around my wrist. I started to snap it and I was slowly able to feel my anxiety going down.

I always wear a Lokai bracelet and some kind of hear tie in my wrist. Both are there for multiple reasons.

The hair tie is there if I ever need to put my hair up but it also there for things like today. I use it to relieve the anxiety and the need to attack my wrist. I rarely us them as a stress reliever, but its there when I do.

The bracelet is there as a reminder. I love their massage to live a balanced life. Their motto is "staying humble during life's peaks and hopeful during t's low". In a way they help me through my anxiety. When I feel a bit of anxiety I have the tendency of spinning it around or just playing with it. It definitely makes my life a bit better.

People always ask me why I always were it but they will never know its true meaning. At first I only wore it because I truly did like the meaning behind it. I liked how they use profits from sells to help organizations. But after many months it has become more a stress anxiety reliever.

I will never tell people it's to help my anxiety, I always say it helps organizations. Thankfully people have never questioned me.

By the time I had finished shopping my anxiety was lowered but I was still a bit off. Luckily I didn't see the guy once I left the produce section, so he was not there to trigger it. As for my mom I was able to follow her a few steps back with out her noticing anything.

As with all my anxiety panic attracts I still have no clue what triggered it. I was perfectly happy this morning. I drove around town did some other stuff with no problems at all. I even entered the store happily because I was finally going to stock up on my cookies that I had run out of. Just two minutes after entering the store it just hit me with no clue what's so ever.

Thankfully today I had both the bracelet and the hair tie to help me out. I don't know how I would of handled it if I didn't have them. Maybe. I would of had a complete mental breakdown in the middle of the store. Maybe the guy would commented or even questioned my actions. Maybe my mom would of caught on that something was wrong with me. Luckily my "arm candy" was there to rescue me.

-That_Girl_J

It's currently 11:45pm and I'm drowning my brain with One Directions in hopes of fully lowering my anxiety.