Sleepless Nights

You Can't Hide From It

I've entered a dark place tonight. It's been a while since I've been here and I forgotten how it feels to be here.

The worst part is I don't know how I got here. I can't pin point the exact thing that has caused me to be here. Maybe it's the slow accumulation of everything that has been have napping these few past months. Just goes to show you can't hide from it.

It's so frustrating not knowing what triggered it. But I know the fact that I've been ignoring the small problems is part of it.

I've been hiding them and trying to keep them locked up since they were small and not as big as the other problems I've faced before. But many small problems added up to have the same power to destroy me and one huge problem.

I tried to drown my problems with music and that just seem to make it worse, which is wowed since that always helps. Shuffle was not in my favor. It was like very song made it worse instead of making it better.

It got to the point that it brought me to tears. Written this even has me in tears. But I'm not sure what kind of tears these are. What is powering them

Anger. Anguish. Sadness. Confusion. Loneliness.

I might be a combination of all! but it's mostly anger. The anger of not knowing why I'm back to square one.

Reding helped but it also made me reflect on my own problems. Normally reading helps me escape my own world and helps me relax. But tonight it's done that but it's also caused to me to face them. Reading about someone else's problems reminded me of my own problems.

So what does one do when both forms of self therapy fail to help. Music made it much worse and reading helped by it also made me face them cause a new problem.

So know I'm stuck here writing this knowing that maybe no one will ever read it. So why do I do it.

This helps me materialize my problems so for once they are not hiding. By putting them out to the world it helps me reflect and overcome them. So yeah no one will probably read this but at least it helps.

I can't hide from my problems even do I tell myself it's better if I keep them locked up. I need to learn how to identify them so I can overcome them.

If I understand them then maybe then there will be no need to hide them. The are a part of me and hiding them is like hiding apart of me.

If I try to hide them they will just comeback with twice as much power. And as seen that leads to more problems and being back to square one.

It's plain and simple I can't hide them forever.

That_Girl_J
12:25am