Sleepless Nights

kill my mind

Knowledge is a very powerful tool we have all heard that before. But how powerful can it be. When does too much knowledge become dangerous.

"Sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind"- Twenty One Pilots

Today I have come to my own interpretation of these lyrics. The beauty of music everyone can have their own interpretation.

As previous chapters have shown, I'm a nerd. I know a little bit of everything some stuff pointless to every day life, stupid facts and life changing facts amongst them. But with this comes different interpretation and uses for said facts. And this is where the lyrics come into play.

With all this knowledge and facts come countless scenarios for death. I've never actually thought about it until today and a few nights ago.

It's scary how many different ways I can come with to end my life. How many every day things are poisons. What will be fastest. What will be painless. What will be less messy. What could be see as an accident. What could cause the less physical damage. Where will it be easier. When will it be easier.

Nothing about the human anatomy and how it works is great and all but it's not great when you can us this knowledge like it was not intended to be used. Chemistry seems to teach is more about the toxic harmful chemicals, rather than the good chemicals. Physics test the limits of speed force in multiple scenarios and setting, their is no says what's off limits.

If you know how to prevent death, doesn't that also mean how to cause death. If you do opposite to what is required to survive that will eventually cause death.

So to stay alive you have to forget about what you've learned. "Sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind."

But that's easier said than done. 21 years has thought me much and some of this stuff is hard to forget. They get imprinted to your skull.

Don't to this cuz you'll get hurt. Don't do this cuz that's dangerous. Don't do this or you're going to die. Don't don't don't that's all they have have said since the moment you are able to understand.

In theory we have the knowledge on the tipi of death since an early age, we had the perspective twisted around.

So a person like me that sees things in different perspectives and likes sees things on a different way, I've ran to a huge problem.

I've never considered ending my own life, but thinking on ways to do it is not healthy as well. Go as far as estimating accuracy and the after math of such death is plain out psychologically insane. Planning out different options and seeing how it will effect others is just wrong. YET I CAN'T STOP.

I can't stopping thinking and that's when I start getting worried of my conscience. What has caused me to think in such twisted way. I plan on being a doctor to save lives, yet I'm here thinking of way to end life.

I need to find a better way to turn off my mind and stop thinking about these things.

I need to kill my mind if I plan on living my life.

"SOMETIMES TO STAY ALOVE YOU GOTTA KILL YOU MIND" TøP 💀👽

-That_Girl_J
12:43am