*chapter five *

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I guess as a kid it didn't really affect me that much to me it was something normal.
I tried to live my life as normal as it could get. I didn't go out a lot And I wasn't allowed to do a lot of stuff . so I read all the time.
Reading was my way of getting away from my life I guess. Which I didn't understand. I would dream about having everything and my mom could finally be happy.

Sometimes when we got her really upset she would say she wish she didn't have so much kids and if it was not for us her life would be better.
I never could remember having a great relationship with mom .she never hugged me , kiss me or said I love you. Only on special occasions she did and it felt weird. I would just stand there and hope she let's go. If she is even want to talk to me it was like I don't feel comfortable this is weird.

Its still feels weird if someone hugs me or kiss me.
I just don't feel comfortable around men it just feels like there gonna hurt me. That's when I know not having a father hurts me more than I think. I just get that feeling like its not ok for anyone to touch me that's not normal am just not use to it.

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I guess simply things affect people life continue reading and comment.

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