Don't Make This Easy

Part 5

We arrive back in Baltimore around 5 am or so. Sky had fallen asleep on my shoulder as her and I were watching Jasey sleep, so I had Jack carry her inside and lay her down in our bed. We were first to be dropped off since we had the baby, so after I lifted Jasey from her make-shift crib, I had the rest of the guys pack up Jasey's stuff and carry it inside. When I walk inside, I have to quiet Sebastian down because he was barking. I carry Jasey up to her room and place her in her crib. I turn on the baby monitor and take one with me so I can hear if she stirs. I walk back downstairs to meet the guys.

“Hey, thanks for bringing all the stuff in.” I say rubbing the back of my neck. “Don't mention it. We know you'll need the help because you're new to the daddy business.” Rian says patting me on the back. “Thanks bro.” I say. Jack comes down from mine and Sky's room and smiles. “Alright. Well, you have a family to take care of. Remember, don't shut us out.” Jack says worrying that I'll forget about him. I smile and say, “I won't. I promise.” They all smile and walk out to the bus. I step outside, scooping Sebastian up and wave as the bus pulls away. What a great tour.

When I walk back inside, I put down Sebastian and walk upstairs. I'm pretty tired, so I'm going to bed. I check on Jasey, leaving her door open and I place a baby gate over the door so Baz won't go in. I walk to my room and close the door. I snuggle up in the bed next to Sky, turn the baby monitor up, and drift off to sleep.

**4 Months Later**

“Alex? It's your turn to change her.” Sky says looking up from her laptop. I sigh and say, “Fine. Only because you feel like shit.” I roll out of the bed and walk to Jasey's room. I look down into her crib and find her awake, smiling. “You little faker. You just wanted to see daddy, didn't you?” I scoop her up and hold her in my arms. She coos into my neck as I hold her. I say into the baby monitor, “False alarm. She's a little daddy's girl is what she is.” I rock her back and forth. It was feeding time, so I walked downstairs with her in my arms and grab her bottle. I sit down on the couch I craddle her and put the bottle to her mouth. She drinks her milk and stares at me the entire time. I finally realize, I'm never going to be able to say no to those eyes. I have a miniature fast-forward into the future.

~15 Years Later~

“Daddy!!! Can I go to the concert with my friend?” I hear Jasey say from her room. I look up from the newspaper and say, “You know how I feel about you going out in the middle of the week Jay.” “But dad, it's their last show! Please? I'll be home by curfew! I promise!” I give her an unpromising look. Jasey stares at me with giant puppy dog eyes. Shit. I sigh loudly then say, “Oh, alright. Be home by 11.” She runs over to me and hugs and kisses me. “Thanks daddy!”

~End thought~

I still can't believe that I'm a dad. Holding my little girl, I've realized that life has so much more than parties and alcohol and sex. It's so much more. It's so rewarding, being able to hold my daughter. MY daughter. It's so different. It's going to really suck when I have to go on tour and leave them behind. It's going to tear me to shreds.

I smile down at Jasey as she rubs her eyes. “Sleepy?” I say, rubbing her cheek. I carry her to the kitchen to put up her bottle, and I carry her upstairs. I place her in her crib, and turn to walk away. I hear her whimper, and that makes my heart melt. I go back over and look down at her. I'll sing her to sleep. “Daddy'll sing you a song.” I say leaning over the edge of the crib.

If these sheets were the states

and you were miles away

I'd fold them end over to end to bring you closer to me.

Because I don't sleep at all

without you pressed up against me.

I'll settle for long distance calls,

I'm lost in empty pillowtalk again.

I see Jasey's eyes flutter shut. I kiss her and walk to Sky who was now sitting up in bed watching TV. I walk in and say, “I don't know how I got so lucky.” She smiles and says, “Why?” I crawl into bed and say, “Because, I have a beautiful fiancee, and beautiful daughter, and an amazing life. I wouldn't trade anything for you or her. If something happened to either one of you two, I would do my darnest to fix it.” She smiles and snuggles into me. “I know you will. I love you.” She kisses my cheek and snuggles into my side. I put my arm around her and flip through the channels until we settle on CSI, our favorite show. This is all amazing.