Divergent: Four's POV

Chapter 30

I turn to the sound of my name. Not many people call me Tobias, my mother, my father, Amar, and her. Why does she call me by that name? Why does she say it with such feeling, love? I don't understand what is happening here, my mind says she is the enemy and that I should eliminate her. Every other part of me says she is familiar, that she is someone that belongs cradled lovingly in my arms. I raise my gun.

"Drop your weapon."

"Tobias," she says, "you're in a simulation."

How could that possibly be? I was brought here to stop the simulation, how could I be in a simulation? I'm Divergent, I can't be in a simulation. She is lying to confuse me.

"Drop your weapon," I tell her. "Or I'll fire."

The struggle going on inside me is deafening. I hear her speak, I know how she is making me feel, and I know what my mind is telling me. All three are battling against each other in my head, struggling to find the truth.

She sets her gun down at her feet. I can see her do this, but for some reason it doesn't register in my mind. What is happening here?

"Drop you weapon!" I shout.

"I did," her voice is soft and full of pain. She looks at me with a sad longing. I know her gun is on the ground, I can see it there. But my mind keeps telling me that she is still armed. All of my senses are confused now. What I see, feel, and hear are all going against what is going on in my head. What is real?

She runs toward me and grabs my wrist. I fire but miss her and hit the wall instead. She kicks me in the ribs and twists my wrist. She is small but strong and for some reason I feel like I'm the one who taught her how to fight.

She dives for the gun but I grab her and jerk her away. My confusion escalates, why would I have taught my enemy to fight? Then, automatically I punch her in the jaw. She wobbles like she is going to fall. Part of me wants to go steady her, the other wants to go and kick her legs out from under her.

She knocks the gun away so it is out of reach. Then she kicks me in the stomach.

What is this girl thinking; she can't beat me in a fight. She is over a foot shorter than me and probably a hundred pounds lighter.

I grab her foot and pull so she falls to the ground. She looks like she is in pain and I see blood on the back of her shirt. How is she bleeding? Then I remember a gunshot to the shoulder. But how would I know she got shot in the shoulder? She stares up at me with both physical and emotional pain in her eyes. I pull back my foot to kick her, but she rolls onto her knees and grabs for the gun.

I grab her by the hair and wrench her to the side and her head makes a loud thumping sound against the wall. The sound makes me sick. Did I just do that to her? Of course I did, she is the enemy.

"Tobias," she says.

I loosen my grip on her a little. I know what I feel when she says my name. I feel warmth and love, not hatred. How can I feel warmth and love if this girl is my enemy? The struggle in me is getting worse. When I hurt her, it makes everything in me, all my senses, cry out to stop. I want to lift her into my arms and hold her, not hurt her. But my mind says she must be eliminated.

She kicks back and hits me in the leg and her hair slips through my fingers. She dives for the gun again. She grabs it and points the gun right at me. She is trembling and on the verge of tears, it wouldn't be hard to disarm her.

"Tobias," she says. "I know you're in there somewhere."

I step toward her. I could disarm her easily. She stands, and is wobbly. She can barely hold the gun and it is not comfortable in her left hand. She should work on that.

"Tobias, please," she says it like she is begging me for something. There is so much love and feeling in the way she says my name. But she is the enemy. She must be destroyed. I must kill her before she kills me. "Please. See me." She pleads with me. Tears are forming in her eyes.

She is trembling and her eyes are unfocused from the tears. I could easily disarm her now. But I look at her and I still want to comfort her, I want to hold her and protect her. I don't want to hurt her anymore. How could I hurt this girl that makes me feel loved, desired, and safe? Why is my mind telling me that someone that makes me feel like this is my enemy?

Simulation... She said I'm in a simulation. But I'm Divergent, I can't be. But what if I am? What if that is why everything is so jumbled?

But she is the enemy and she must be destroyed. But why? I can't tell what is real and isn't anymore. Maybe she is right; maybe I am in a simulation. But how?

She stands, the gun still pointed at me and steps toward me. With pain in her eyes and tears streaming down her face, she turns the gun and places it in my hand.

What is this? What is she doing? Why would she give up?

I point the gun to her head. Her tears have stopped and she reaches her hand out and puts it on my chest at my heart. She looks at me with pleading eyes. She doesn't say anything else. But the feel of her hand on my chest sends a warm tingling feeling through my body. I feel love, longing, and desire. Not a desire to hurt her but to feel her body against mine. I want to hold her, comfort her, and I want her to comfort me.

I click the bullet into the chamber.