If Only... (Eremin)

Heartbroken Hangovers

The sweltering Summer sun beat down on Armin through the window, waking him up slowly. Armin blinked groggily against blinding light. His eyes were puffy and dry from crying, he had a dull ache in his head and his nose felt stuffy. He was still in the same clothes as last night and his hair was a mess.

His whole body felt limp and dead, it was hard to tell if it was from the alcohol or his emotional turmoil. He could hardly drag himself out of bed, it hurt to think. Thoughts of last night replayed in his head and he felt like throwing up. God, he was so fucking stupid.

After crying and hiccuping violently for a few moments, he collected himself enough to go take a shower. The warm water caught and trickled in the crevices and creases of his skin. He tried not to look down at his body, he felt bad enough already. He closed his eyes and tried not to think.

That's right, don't think about it. Everything is okay. You're okay. Don't think about it.
But the harder he tried the harder it became to push the thoughts away.

He remembered how Eren had looked. When he kissed him, and when he was all alone, the fireflies diving and dipping in quick threads of light around him.

He turned off the water and stepped out, sickened with himself. He averted his eyes from the mirror as he got dressed. He dragged his feet back to his room, running his fingertips through his wet hair.

He flopped down onto his bed, staring out the window. The day was sunny and cheery, wind softly blowing the trees and children frolicked outdoors.
Great. Just great, it seems the whole world is happy. He thought to himself.

His phone buzzed in the bedside table. He reached over, turning it on and checking it. A text from Eren. "Crap..." He whispered to himself. He turned the phone off and ignored the text. He spaced out for a few more minutes until his grandpa called him down.

After eating half a plate of waffles and a few raspberries he trudged back into his room. He checked his phone again, three texts from Eren. He couldn't ignore them anymore and opened them.

Goodmorning.

You okay? Mikasa said you left because you didn't feel well.

I'm coming over.

Armin stared blankly at the screen for what seemed like an eternity.

"Shit." He finally said. He felt the Earth ripping at the seams, it was like he'd been slammed into reality by a truck. Eren was coming over and Armin was a mess in every aspect of his life.

He had hardly torn his eyes away from his phone when he heard the doorbell. Armin tumbled into his closet, ripping off his clothes madly and shoving his hideous body into his binder. He fumbled with it and hastily pulled his shirt on, his hands trembling.

There was a knock on his bedroom door. "One second!" Armin said loudly. He ran his hands through his hair and took deep breaths, giving himself a small pep talk before opening the bedroom door.

Armin forgot how amazed he was at Eren's beauty, no matter how many times he saw him. He could hear his heart pounding in his head and he felt his knees shaking ever so slightly.

The brunette boy looked up from his phone, which he had been checking, he held a guitar case in his other hand. His dark jeans hung low on his narrow hips and there was a small bit of skin that peeked out from between his shirt and jeans.
"Oh hey Armin, what took ya so long?" The other boy asked, his lips cracking into a wide grin that made Armin's stomach feel queasy.

Armin laughed nervously. "Oh I was j-just getting dressed. It's been a slow morning for me." He died a little inside when he stuttered.
Eren nodded, "Yeah, it's been boring as hell."