BROWN SKIN | BOOK 1

|| C H A P T E R . 12 ||

Almost. 

I hated how it was in the middle of everything. Almost  was complete but not quite unfinished. It sticks to make up for things that could've been done but were not. It filled in for halfway through because it seemed enough but couldn't be. 

Mom hated when I used it too. She wanted one hundred percent, never fifty or ninety-nine point nine.

Like how I almost had one-fifth of the money for California, so I can dance my butt off for once last time and look back at the memories of flying in the world to something so foreign to me. 

Like how I almost really liked Beau because he never looked at me like the weird, shy, quiet girl I carried on the surface of my skin but not quite. I almost felt special for a second.  

Just almost.

I now understand why Mom hated when I used it too.

It's like saying "I'm full from this two bites, one swallow" meal when I happened to do just a taste test. You don't feel happy with a half-full stomach after eating your favorite meal, you're sated, satisfied when full. 

I almost got it.

Simone brought a group of girls to the house as they walked around with wanna-be bucks on their shoulders. They had their nails professionally polished without a single chip or snag. They wore West Coast hipster material clothing that screamed "wild and carefree with no fucks to give" and the latest identical phones, which ones which, not sure. 

Simone had boosted energy that skyrocketed today because she was bouncing off the walls like a madwoman and carried loquacious gossip for the day. I guess she was only like this when her friends were around, but if I were to at like that, she would've thought I was weird. Well, weirder.

"E-bon-ee." She sang in a broken tune, "I heard you tried to kill yourself over a little boy."

This news definitely took my breath away, but I shouldn't be too surprised since Simone is pretty blunt. "I didn't try to kill myself..." I answered with a wandered off voice. I believe this was the first time Simone said much to me after our other incident at the gathered family reunion.

"Some bullshit thing Jewelz is telling everyone," She yawned, and waved off invisible flies,  "Your hair or whatever. Is that why it's so short now? Now you look like the baldie Sheilah when she takes her extensions out." She beamed. Wow, way to hand a low blow compliment and refer to your mother by her first name.

"But that's so fucking dumb, who decides to cut their hair over some guy?" She gasped and giggled wickedly, her index finger directed to me, "Oh! Just you. If he didn't have your attention, what makes you think begging and being desperate will do?"

The last sentence hit me harder than I expected and could feel my heart chipping away probably like my own nails. Ignoring her, I simply walked away from her and did my own thing like I should. She shouldn't have gotten to me in the first place, but Simone always found a way to make things work. That's what's so different about Simone and Desirae. Simone was looking for weaknesses before they could be unleashed and attacked anyway. Rough battles.

"Why so quiet? Cat got your tongue?" Simone's annoying voice taunted me.

I rolled my eyes and didn't turn around to catch her hostile smirk. "I don't need to explain shit to you for anything honestly. Why do you think you deserve it?"

Her almond eyes narrowed and she casually took small steps toward me, "Oh, please honey, just to remind you, guys sometimes want what they can't have but in your case, you've never had it." She snapped.