Afterlife: Redemption

42

LANE

I held the phone to my ear, my body curled in around itself as if the phone was in some way a threat that I needed to protect myself from. The moment I had dialed the number, bringing the phone near me, my free hand came to my mouth, immediately chomping down on my already shortening nails. So much for the lovely manicure I had gotten at the spa with Mia the week before.

I had spent the last three days fretting, worrying, thinking and pondering my brother. After his mercurial behavior the afternoon of my birthday party, I just couldn't seem to let it go. I knew that I was hardly in a position to know his reactions to things anymore, as five years was a long time. I wasn't the same person, my reactions no more the same now than they had been at seventeen than his probably were now. I knew I was probably reading into the situation more than I should, but I just couldn't help it.

It bothered me. And when bothered, I was like a woman obsessed. I hadn't been this distracted by a confusing man since I first met Harry.

Most of my Sunday following the party was spent with Harry, lounging around my apartment in my pajamas, watching TV, movies, and researching Cambodia. I had told him I wanted him to be a part of my trip this time, and that I thought it would be a good thing for both of us to look in to the country, history and culture that I would be immersing myself in for two months.

So that was our Sunday...ignoring random shows and movies on the TV, while fighting over my laptop, Googling highlights of Cambodia and Angkor Watt. The more I researched, the more excited I got. Even beyond Angkor, there were other sites and temples I was praying we would be able to visit at some point during our time there. So much culture and possibility, I was practically twitching.

Harry, however, was either full of useless suggestions, or anxiety. The useless suggestions included taking time to zip line, even though I had told him multiple times I was terrified of heights. He said this would be the perfect way to conquer my fear. I did not agree. In my mind, plunging to my death from a little wire hanging over a cavern was not my idea of fun.

His anxiety came more from the history and intermittent hints of the underside of the country. For reasons I understood nothing of, Harry starting looking at news articles from the country, working himself up into a frenzy after reading something from Dateline about child prostitution and human trafficking. To this, he seemed to flip a switch, turning back into the Harry I knew before I left for Somalia, of demands, forbidding and pouting. It wasn't until I took the computer away from him, cuddled him like a toddler for twenty minutes, and promised to never leave the company of my team for more than a wee, that he calmed enough to turn his attention back to searching for 'fun' things to do.

Monday, I spent at NG. This was the one day that I was able to actually push Adam and my worries to the back of my mind, as I was meeting my team, and going over the details of my latest trip for the better portion of the day.

The team was smaller than my last, with just myself, two other photographers, John and Gary, and one assistant, Alice. All were older than myself, all with years of experience. Yet again, I felt like a child at the adults table, and even though my work had received acclaim from the trip to Somalia, I found myself feeling like I needed to prove my skills. That I needed to show that I belonged, and that I earned this place.

They were welcoming, eager and knowledgeable, and I knew the trip would go well under their guidance. Just as with any NG excursion, we would be meeting with guides and guards once arriving, our camp not far from the site we would be focusing on. I found my anxiety this time around so much less, merely because of the location. It was culture and history, not war and famine. So different, yet, with just as much impact. To understand where we were going in our future, we had to learn from our past. And places like these, temples of centuries before, were hidden gateways to that knowledge.