I've been getting better at seeming okay, at making my life look together
All I want to do is cut and drink or do drugs. I know they're bad for me but god do they make me feel good.
Everyone been using me lately, lying, hurting me. Worst is I still forgive them.
My now ex was abusive, not physically but mentally and emotionally. I forgave him each and every time. I knew he was tearing me apart. But I couldn't hate him. I still don't. But I know its bad now. So toke the pain away. I wish I was dead, wish I could have everlasting sleep. But I have to stay here
There are people I have to make sure stay here.
People I have to protect
I know I'm getting myself together while I'm falling apart.
Its interesting really having your life coming together around you while you're starting to go insane.
She told me if I don't see a councellor soon that she's going to put me in the mental hospital
I broke again, I was a month clean but I couldn't do it. I sat crying on the floor, blood running down the drain slowly.
I just have to stay here till their okay at least. One day I can sleep....
