since she left my moms been dating a sweetheart who takes care of us and we live in a new cute little house with a nice yard and garden.
I tried going to school for grade ten but it was to stressful for me so I started hiding in the library or in the girls bathrooms not going to any classes or talking to anyone.
I was categorized as a 'goth' for awhile which made sense at the time.
I was still a good kid, listened to the rules, scared of getting in trouble, I was a nerd, always reading my fantasy books and getting lost in another world.
I changed into what people called an 'emo' after my incident in the summer.
I was walking through a woodsy park near my house alone late at night, my mum was camping with her friends.
there was someone around me I could hear them, I had just broken my phone a week before and couldn't pretend to call someone.
I guess I was asking for trouble though, I was wearing a skirt after all.
someone covered my mouth and pulled me into the bushes. I didn't know who it was and I wasn't able to scream.
he put his belt around a tree and put a sock in my mouth to keep me quiet while he wrapped the belt around my hands trapping me to the tree.
he didn't hesitate in pulling his pants down and putting his legs over mine so I couldn't fight.
he pushed my skirt up around my stomach and forced himself inside me as I lay there crying and helpless.
he kept going for an eternity it felt like, he only stopped when someone walked by.
he finally stopped and I don't know what he did, all I remember is curling up in a ball until it started raining.
I finally got up and had to walk home through the woods hurt and crying.
I never told anyone until I started selfharming and my mum noticed the cuts.
I had to start seeing a Councillor in December and that's when I finally told someone what had happened.
I ended up in the hospital because my cutting had gotten so bad my mum found me pale almost dying on the bathroom floor, we found out I'm anemic.
I had a thing going on with one friend that ended when I got out of the hospital. I knew I was in love with him but I'd never tell him that.
after the rejection I started to get slightly over board, taking handfuls of pills and seeking attention from older people and from whores.
there was one older guy who I started to like to much and when I got in a relationship I had to distance myself from him because it was for the best.
it was my longest relationship and I was lying and depressed the whole time. pretending to be happy and in love.
and then it ended when I stopped going to the psychiatrist every week at the hospital.
now I'm writing this and will write a bit every day.
