It's been three years since the last time I wrote in here. Honestly I lost myself so much I'd forgotten. In and out of abusive relationships.
I got engaged twice. Both were awful.
My ex fiance and I were like a real life Harley and joker. Haha.
He put me through so much pain and stress that I had a miscarriage. I fell even harder into drugs than I thought I could.
It went from every day to every hour.
He tore me apart inside for a year and a half. Then he ended our engagement for another women.
He told me I would be nothing but a druggy whore that dropped out of school.
So I got back into school and tried quitting drugs. This was about 2 years ago. The quitting drugs didn't last and I stayed falling into neverland.
I became homeless and couch surfing for a long time.
I don't remember being sober in those 3 years.
My thoughts are a bit scattered sorry.
It was hard trying to put the pieces back together. So I used more drugs and alcohol to try and fix it. But really I only did that so I could escape my feelings and not have to deal with problems.
I got pregnant again the summer 2017. First thing I did was got so high I didn't have to deal with it. The guy said he'd kill himself if I had the baby.
I was pushed into an abortion. After leaving the hospital I snapped.
I got as muh alcohol and drugs as I could and mixed it together and drank it all.
I barely remember that night. I remember meeting up with my friend, and than next I knew I had walked in my friends front door without knocking went in their room said hi and left.
I got in a random persons car only to realize 45 min later I knew who it was. Because when I got in I didn't care.
We got back to my place and I tried swallowing 3 bottles of pills in front of my roommate and the guy I was seeing.
They didn't care. I woke up 3 days later on my bedroom floor.
I've ended up in some even worse situations I'm not prepared to face yet. But that was the last night I did drugs. That was 6 months ago. I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic. With alcohol I've failed and gone out a few times. Almost ruining my life. I'm 24 days clean from drinking.
I'm trying to do better this time.
I work out, do yoga, take vitamins, I'm trying to be positive. Even if I'm still alone.
If I go out again I won't make it, because I won't want to.
