Love Me | Series Book #1

FOURTEEN

I forgot what color the shutters were. In my faulty memory they'd always been green, not blue. I can't even remember the last time I'd stood under this porch light, but still the bulb hadn't been changed. I know it's been more than a year. After all a sheep doesn't purposely put itself in a lion's path. It stays away, aware of the danger, and fills itself with credulous beliefs that the lion's chosen dormancy over its prey. That maybe if it goes far enough away he'll forget. But, he never forgets.

I have to.

She came to the door after four knocks. For a second I feared that it was the wrong house. I don't think she recognized me at first. It took more than thirty seconds for her to break the silence with a smile.

"Kaya," she said my name like a question.

"Hi Miss Riley," I matched her smile. I took note of the tired lines beneath her eyes. Her brown hair was pulled into a knot on her head with a few strands sliding out and her small, bird-like legs appeared even more scarce in her black yoga pants.

I finally raised my gaze to her face which was pinched in confusion."I caught you at a bad time didn't I?"

"No, no," she stepped aside to let me in, and I was flanked by the scent of something vanilla. The aroma from the burning incense diffused through the small room fast. It lit up the corner on top of the wooden coffee table. She moved towards the couch and cleared off a pile of clothes. Mason's number 3 jersey was in the mess. "You can sit right here hon, would like a bottle of water or anything?"

I stayed standing. "That's okay."

She left the room with the clothes and returned a minute later, talking to herself. "Alright, got that in the wash, the meat's defrosting, now where am my sneakers?"

I don't think she was aware that she was speaking her thoughts aloud. I took a step forward.

"When Mason gets back, can you let him know that I stopped by," I paused to take a breath, "It's really important."

Her attention returned to reality. "Oh, he should be back shortly. I just sent him on a grocery run. You're welcome to wait in his room. I can promise you it's a lot neater in there."

I almost let this dissuade me, willing to leave the moment be. I could have insisted, another time. Could have let it go, like always. But, always can't last forever, and neither could I.

I gave her a courtesy smile and turned down the hallway, around the corner to the first door at the end. It was open by a crack, letting a sliver of evening light pour onto the floor through the doorway. My knees threatened to buckle under my weight as I reached forward.

Turn around turn around turn around.

The knob wasn't as cold as I expected it to be. It's jagged chipped paint grazed my fingers as I pushed the door all the way open. I felt as though I'd just crossed over a line of yellow caution tape, and any minute someone might drag me away by my hair.

Everything was so neat, especially in comparison to Chase's room which looked like the average teenage pigsty. But here, there was a place for everything. His bureau was a trophy cabinet, littered every kind of medal broadcasting the entirety of his football career. On each side of the room, the walls were blank, with blue paint as their only decor. No photographs of himself, banners, or any other evidence that he lived here, was in sight. He marked his territory with rewards. They were the only claim to his name.

I waited in his bed, running my hands over the soft quilt comforter and hoping that it was the last time I could. Maybe I was a terrible friend for this, but now that I knew about Chase's mom, all I wanted was the same thing. The freedom to just walk away without looking back. I don't know if my new gained confidence was a result of winter break and the fact that I wouldn't be seeing him face to face, but I was sure about one thing. I never wanted to be in too deep to leave that trail of pain behind that I saw crawl across Chase's face today.