It has been nearly two weeks since Haymitch and I came back to district 12, Sae brings me meals so I won't starve, even though I don't eat them. Haymitch comes round often to see if I'm still alive and not ended my life, although it crossed my mind more than a couple of times and I have tried it and ended up at the hospital for a while.I sometimes don't come out of my bedroom and when I do , I feel like I should of taken those berries in the first games and then everyone would still be here. Rue, Finnick who is never going to meet is son Fin , Prim my poor little duck she would be 14 now(I know she is 13 but I pretended her birthday had passed) and most of all Peeta my boy with the bread he wouldn't of been hijacked and his family would still be alive. I still don't know if he hates me , he should though, everyone should I am a mutt, Peeta was right. Gale left for district 2 I don't know if I can ever forgive home though , he killed my little duck and then he abandoned me alone to waste away.I don't know how much more I can take, my nightmares have gotten worse without Peeta comforting me, I miss him so much and I love him more than I thought I could. It's about 2oclock in the afternoon and I haven't moved out of my bedroom for days until Haymitch stumbles into my room and slurs "I have news lover boy is back tomorrow , so you better get yourself sorted out and stop moping about your not the only one who has lost family sweetheart "Haymitch's words shock me but wake me up out of my trance I have been in for the last two weeks. "Your right I need to get my self sorted out for Peeta and for me" " atta go sweetheart" " I told you not to call me that" I snap at him he puts both hands up in surrender and stumbles back to his house. I have a shower it feels so long since I felt clean and tided my room and went downstairs to start on the living room and then sat down to eat in the kitchen which at that moment Sae comes in and piles some food on the counter not noticing me until I say "afternoon Sae" she jumps and turns around to see the new me." Katniss you finally came out of your shell this didn't have to do with the sweet baker they is coming back tomorrow" I blush and Sae just laughs and once she has put the food away leaves and I am left alone. I go to bed and am awoken by nightmares.
Flashback:
I see Peeta being tortured in the next room and snow says " Dear miss Everdeen it's the things we love the most that distroy us" Peeta then is released and then lunges at me and screams "Mutt you stinking Mutt you killed my family you are a monster"
End of flashback :
I wake to my screaming and sweat running down my face and remember the night on the victory tour when Peeta came running into my room and I said " Peeta will you stay with me " and he said "always" I start to cry remembering the memory and then Haymitch stumbles in and sees me and says "it's alright sweetheart it's just dreams " " I know Haymitch but they felt so real and it was true I am a Mutt I killed Peeta's family , I killed innocent people and you know what I wish I took those berries in the first games and everyone would still be alive" I wasn't looking at Haymitch or the door so I didn't see there was another person there " don't ever say that katniss, you saved us I now that" shouts someone then at those last words I look up as Peeta once said those words to me and sure enough a tear stained Peeta is standing in my doorway. I don't notice Haymitch leaving my eyes are locked on his " I said that to you once , Real or non-real" Peeta asks I tell him "real".
