Crossing these Crooked Lines (caminah/ laurmani)

VIII

Ally could understand why Normani loved the stars so much.

They were beautiful.

Ally could understand why Normani found so much comfort underneath the night too.

Just by looking up and thinking about how many stars are in the sky, and how many planets are out there, and how many galaxies and universes and other life forms that exist without our knowledge, well.

It kinda makes your life feel insignificant doesn't it?

It makes all of your fears, problems, troubles, and sadness just seem... selfish.

Because really, in this universe where there is too much of everything and everyone, you don't really matter.

Therefore your fears, problems, troubles, and sadness just... don't really matter either.

"Ally? You there?" A familiar voice crackled over the phone that was clutched too tightly in her hand. "Did you hear what I said?"

It just so happens that Troy is the universe.

And Ally doesn't matter.

"Yeah! Yeah, that's fine. I totally agree with you!"

You can't just deny the universe. That's like denying God.

So, this is fine.

"Allyson... don't do that." Troy's voice was soft and tone sounded worried.

How sweet of him to care about her like that.

"Don't do what? I told you it was fine and I understand. I mean... I'm not gonna lie, I sorta wish you told me sooner." Ally's tone was light as she joked with her... with the boy on the other line.

"Really? That's it? You're not mad or anything?"

"I mean..." Ally sighed but still kept a small smile on her face "Is this something you really want to do? That you feel is gonna be right for our relationship?"

Troy didn't even hesitate. He must've been thinking about this for awhile. "Yes! I- I mean I really do. I can't believe you're okay with this! Thank you baby! I love you so much!"

The sound of his excitement almost made Ally's smile real. Almost.

"Of course, you do."

He didn't hear the edge in her voice. How could he. He was the universe and the universe was happy. Ally didn't really matter. The stars looked different.

"Hey babe, I'll call you back later okay? Thanks again for this but I uh- I gotta go."

"Yeah okay, I'll talk to you-" The line was dead. And she pretended she didn't hear the other voice at the end of the call. She pretended she couldn't hear the whispers in the background.

Not once did Ally's gaze falter from the sky. But her vision changed.

Somewhere along the way the stars blurred together, making the once black and white night turn gray and hazy. She could feel a few drops on her face, streaking down her cheeks like hot salty tears. And then Ally realized that they were tears.

The dirty blonde exhaled and gasped again, coughing. How long had she been holding her breath? How long had she been crying? What did she have to be sad about? She was too insignificant in the world to be sad.

No, she was sad because parts of her world were missing. Lauren and Normani. Two of the four biggest idiots of her life were gone. This. This she could be sad about.