FANGED

Chapter Three

I rolled the little syringe between my fingertips, rubbing my sore hiney at the same time. My mind was still processing what had just happened like a hamster racing around one of those spinning exercise wheels. Reaching over the table, I grabbed my diet soda. Drat! I forgot, the strange scientist-man drank it all. Now I have a sore butt and no Diet Coke, life sucks.

Snatching my phone off the table, I pushed the button bringing it to life and proceeded to cuss. I was late...really, really late. Dropping the glass thingamabob into one of my shopping bags to deal with later, I started gathering my stuff. The search for excuses shooting the hamster working on my previous problem dead in its tracks, taking over all my mental capabilities.

What the hell was I going to tell bobble-headed Brion? Earthquake? No...that wouldn't be practical. Alien abduction? Happens all the time, right? I can even show him the article I read this morning about a man in Alabama who said aliens abducted him from work, took him to the mothership, but due to a computer glitch was unable to remove his brain.

I was in the middle of pondering the feasibility of a Elvis sighting, when three huge assholes dressed all in black smashed into me, sending my shopping bags scattering to the four winds and landing me on my sore butt before continuing charging in the direction the weird science-man had sprinted off.

Generally, I am not the judgmental type person, so I have no idea if these guys were actually assholes or not. But, since they brushed pass me without even a "howdy do", I am going with my original assessment of they being assholes.

Heaving myself off the ground, I stood up...maybe a little too quickly. My head started to whirl like that one time I rode the spinning strawberry ride at the carnival in the middle of an August heat wave after consuming way to much funnel cake.

Snagging a chair, I plunked my butt into it, grimacing at the sharp jolt of pain. Dropping my head between my legs, I concentrated on breathing through my nose and keeping my Kung Pao down. Oh hey...a penny. See a penny pick it up and all day long you'll have good luck.

Plucking the copper colored coin up, I quickly rubbed it off on my pants and deposited it in my pocket. I could use a bit of luck right now, especially since I still had to deal with Bag of Doucheness Brion. Feeling a bit better, I staggered over to my dispersed shopping sacks and started to collect my treasures.

After glimpsing inside each one to make sure everything was safe and sound, I threw a nasty look over my shoulder at the asshole Men in Black wannabes who were now long gone. I swear, if I actually liked to run, I would have chased after them and given them a piece of my mind. But, lucky for them, I do not like to run and if you ever see me running, then you had better get a hustle on because there's a zombie grizzly right behind me.

Snorting at my own joke, I took off for the parking lot. Once I reached outside, the sun made me squint and I weaved unsteadily on my feet. Maybe I shouldn't have had that third egg-roll. The heat of the afternoon was unbearable and I could feel the prickling of sweat beading on my forehead. Damn, it's hot. Was it supposed to be this hot today? Maybe I should start watching the news in the morning instead of old re-runs of Bewitched, I thought as I stumbled out to my car.

Everything seemed so heavy as I tossed it all into the back of my Gremlin. Usually I took more care with my purchases, but with the way I was feeling right now, I could care less. I think the Orange Panda was going to be crossed off my nutritional list from now on. Now that I think about it, those egg-rolls did taste sort of funny.

Turning Gizmo over, I backed slowly out of the parking space. Yes, slowly...even I can't afford another ding on my insurance. Take off one little side mirror on a Mercedes and suddenly you're a bad driving risk. Once I was clear of the other cars though, I put my lead foot down and sped out of there like Mario Andretti.