Cookie POV
I had enough, so I leave the room and hope Carol keeps her mouth shut and shows him the door. I'm done, Lucious thinks I'm some bed hopping prison hoe. Well, if I'm holding back the worst of the info then what can I expect him to believe? Whatever, he's gonna believe what he wants.
Sitting in my sister's room waiting for her I start to sing and I realize I'm singing a song I wrote a few years ago while the prison was on lock down. After seeing him on TMZ with that woman, I knew it was over and was especially lonely. Just..missing Lucious.
"Thank You"
Sometimes I wonder do you
Even recognize the woman
That's standing in front of you, listen
Sometimes I wonder do you
Even care or realize why I took care of you
'Cuz you're my heart
You are my soul
You're my other half
Without you I can not be whole baby
So far apart
I just don't know
What drove us apart in the first place
Now I know baby why
These tears I cry sure won't be the last
They will not be the last, no
This pain inside never seems to pass
It never seems to pass me by
So I thank you
Said I thank you
Yes I thank you
For making me a woman
Sometimes I wonder could she be
More of a woman to you than you were a man to me, listen
Sometimes I wonder why me
I'm here miserable while you're out living your fantasies
And didn't care
'Cuz you're my heart
You are my soul
You're my other half
Without you I can not be whole baby
So far apart
I just don't know
What drove us apart in the first place
Now I know baby why
These tears I cry sure won't be the last
They will not be the last, no
This pain inside never seems to pass
It never seems to pass me by
So I thank you
Said I thank you
Yes I thank you
For making me a woman
One thing I learned in life, that is
Gotta be ready to sacrifice to survive
I hope she's happy
'Cuz you're the chapter that I'll be closing
Hope you're happy
'Cuz once my door closes it won't be open
These tears I cry sure won't be the last
They will not be the last, no
This pain inside never seems to pass
It never seems to pass me by
So I thank you
Said I thank you
Yes I thank you
For making me a woman
"I'm sorry, Cookie." I heard a husky voice behind me. I was staring out the window and lost myself in my song. I didn't realize I closed my eyes and opened them as I quickly spun around to the intruder. Lucious, of course.
"What do you want? Haven't said enough?" I asked in a weak voice I didn't recognize.
"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know what you were going through and I tried to distance myself." He said like I'd just commiserate with him.
'Nigga please, I got yo baby!' I screamed in my head.
"Well, isn't that just too bad for you. Here I am just walking around free after seventeen years in prison carrying a rapist's baby." I said without thinking. Damn it, I just told him everything. Shit!
"You were what? He.. I thought you were just lonely...I..." Lucious stumbled over his words, something he never does.
"Fucked up shit happened and I'm over it. It's time to move on." I said looking down. I couldn't look him in the eye, something I've never been scared of doing until now. I knew there was pity there and I couldn't handle that.
"Cookie.." he started, but I cut him off. He had to go, I couldn't. I just couldn't.
"Don't, just don't. I don't need you're pity, I'm not some helpless victim!" I yelled. I didn't need this, I have enough of my own problems without him finding more.
"You're not, Cookie. You need someone.." he said leaving it hang in the air like I was gonna bite. No, I'm not some helpless animal.
"Oh and you're the someone I need, huh?" I couldn't, please!
I rolled my eyes and walked out of my sister's room and found the eyes of my three boys staring at me. I didn't know what to do. I'm sure I looked like a fish with how my mouth kept opening and closing. Then my baby Jamal rushed over to hug me. I hugged him close and smiled. Then he pulled away from me.
"Mama, I'm so sorry.." Jamal said with a thick voice. He looked at me with a tear stained face.
I couldn't say anything. All I could do was hold him tighter. I held out my arm inviting my other two boys. I needed this, I needed their love.
"Mom, what happened?" asked a younger boy I've never met, but he looked very familiar. This must be my son Hakeem I assume.
"Not enough to break me." I said even though if what I was thinking a few minutes ago meant anything, I am. Broken that is. I'll never admit it though. At least not to Lucious. Looking at him now, I know he already knows it too.
"Ok, let your mother breathe." Lucious said softly.
If Lucious weren't such an opportunist I'd believe he was trying to be helpful. However, I don't trust him and even though I love him and probably always will, I suppose I never did trust Lucious.
"One more, please." I said in such a little voice I definitely don't know. I was immediately crushed by my boys.
We sat and talked about everything I missed in their lives until midnight came around and Carol had to bow out. She was tired and her kids spent the night with their friends. If I had the luxury of having my kids around to drive me crazy, I'd probably need rest too. However, I've been missing out on everything and right now I'm loving it and hoping it never ends.
That is until Lucious said it was time to go. "Why? Please, I haven't seen my babies in seventeen years." I said ready to cry.
"It's late. We have a meeting in the morning. Need a ride Cookie, I'll take you home." He said as he walked to the door. Wait a minute he said home, he knows. How can he know, damn it Carol?!?
"I'm staying here, Lucious." I said hoping he'd drop it.
"I thought after all this time you'd want your own bed" He said with a knowing tone. Why he always gotta know everything? Ugh...
"I'm fine." I said hoping he wouldn't push it.
"No. You'll get a ride." He said sounding like my old Lucious. So bossy, I loved it.
"Damn it, Lucious!" I cursed as I walked out the door.
Ugh, whatever! What can you do?
