Mystery Girl: Grey's Anatomy Fan Fiction

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty

I felt hollow. As if someone had taken a knife and just chipped away at me from the inside out. I was like a thin shell that was about to collapse in on itself. I was broken and I didn't know how to fix myself. I didn't know if there was even a way to fix myself.

I sat on the edge of the bed in my hotel room, trying to find the power to simply stand up and head out the door so I wouldn't be late. I was already dressed in a black dress with matching flats, my hair pulled up into a bun, and a necklace hanging around me neck, the one Mark had gotten me last Christmas. It was just a simple silver lily hanging from the chain. My favorite flower. It was something that seemed so small and so simple but was packed full of meaning and love. It was the perfect embodiment of Mark.

I had to force myself not to cry as I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. There were bags under my eyes, showing just how little sleep I had gotten over the past few days, months in all actuality. My eyes were also red, showing that I had only just stopped crying as I had been getting dressed in a feeble attempt to compose myself for today.

Mark's funeral.

The two words seemed so bitter, just thinking them left a sour taste in my mouth. Reminding me that it should be me in the ground, not Mark. He and Lexie should be alive and living happily together while I was left to rot away in the ground. If I were the one who had died less people would have been effected. Less people would be in pain right now. Less people would be getting dressed and heading towards the cemetery to say goodbye to a friend.

It should have been me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I looked around as I walked across the grass and towards where Mark's funeral was to be held, where his grave would reside. There was already a large crowd gathered, all dressed in black. I recognized faces from the hospital, as well as Derek's mother. I knew that Amelia had wanted to be here, but couldn't because of work, the same for Addison, and Abby couldn't miss anymore school. None of them would get to say their goodbyes in person.

When I reached the crowd I made my way around to where some chairs were set up for Mark's closet loved ones to sit throughout the service. Already seated were Derek, Derek's mother, Callie, and Mark's daughter Sofia. That left one empty chair for myself. Before I could sit down though Derek's mother, Carolyn, was on her feet and hurrying over to me, pulling me into a tight hug.

"How are you doing dear?" She asked me, glancing down at my plump belly.

"I'm doing alright." It was a complete lie and we both knew it. Nothing more was said as she led me over to my seat, between her and Derek. As the clergy man began to speak I didn't listen to a word. All I could focus on the was the large wooden coffin that rested only a few feet away from me, holding the lifeless body of my best friend. The box that would trap him, keep him hidden away below the ground, forever out of my reach.

"And now Mark's friend Brianna Howards would like to say a few words." The clergy man said after a while, causing me to look away from the coffin for the first time. I glanced at Carolyn to see her giving me a supportive smile, though tears were clouding her eyes. I took a deep breath as I got to my feet and walked over to stand beside the coffin, facing everyone in front of me, many of whom I didn't know.