No Such Thing As Perfect Love (A Christian Romance Novel)

To Kiss Or Not To Kiss?

Chloe POV
I was decked out in white pants, a red and blue shirt, and a blue necklace. It was a good start for Spirit week.
Olivia was late, so in the morning, i talked to Luke. Luke came in my room in blue jeans, a red shirt, and white shoes and a white tie. Yes, it was kind of dorky to wear a tie with jeans, but that's what I like about him.
"Hey, are you busy tonight?" Luke wondered.
"Nope," I answered.
"Then, I would like to treat my girlfriend to dinner," Luke said.
This took me by surprise. "Girlfriend?" I whispered.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean...if you don't want those kind of labels, that's okay," Luke began.
"No, it's fine. Actually, it's more than fine. I would be honored to be the girlfriend of someone as great as you," I smiled.
"And I would be awed as to how I got you as my girlfriend," Luke laughed.
We smiled at each other one more time before Luke looked at the clock and realized he needed to get back to his classroom.
"I'll see you at lunch. Oh, and, I'll pick you up at 6:30 tonight. Dress formally," Luke informed.
"Will do. See you at lunch," I called.
Olivia ended up not coming, so I graded tests during free periods.
Everything was fine until lunch came along. Luke and I walked down together, and I found myself smiling more often than usual. Luke chose to sit next to me in Olivia's normal seat instead of across from me.
Around halfway through lunch, Mr. Reynolds quieted everyone down and said, "okay, spill it you two." I realized he was talking to Luke and I.
All of the seventh grade teachers knew each other, even ones that weren't on the same team, so it wasn't weird that he said that to me. What was weird was the question.
"What do you mean?" Luke asked, even though everyone in the room knew what it meant, especially us two.
"Are you dating? Are you just friends? What?" Mr. Reynolds demanded.
I decided to go ahead and answered. "We're dating."
Cheers and congratulations erupted throughout the room. I'm pretty sure someone even yelled, "shipping"
Oh, if only Olivia were here.
Luke and I looked at each other as if we wanted to be any place but here, surrounded by co-workers who were putting all of the attention on us. Eventually, everyone went back to what they were doing. Not long after that, it was time to go back to our rooms for seventh period.
I survived the rest of the day without trouble, and when I got home, I decided on wearing a simple, long black dress.
While I waited for 6:30 to roll around, I called Olivia.
"Hello?" Olivia answered. She sounded sick.
"Hey Liv, how are you feeling?" I asked softly.
"Eh. Sorry I didn't text you to let you know I wasn't coming. I was really tired this morning, so my brain was not working," Olivia mumbled.
"It's okay," I said, then preceded to tell her all that had happened that day.
"Why do all the good things happen when I'm not there?" Olivia sighed.
"As long as you are here on Friday, it's okay," I told.
"I will come in throwing up if I have to," Olivia joked.
"Yeah...please don't," I laughed.
"I can't make any promises," Olivia smiled. "What time did you say he was picking you up?"
"6:30. Woah! How is it already 6:00? I haven't been talking to you that long. I must have taken awhile picking out my outfit! I never do that!" I exclaimed.
"Are you already dressed, or do you still need to change?" Olivia asked.
"I'm ready to go," I replied.
"Where is he taking you?"
"I don't know."
"You must have a lot of trust."
"He is my boyfriend!" I loved saying that word.
Olivia laughed. "I never though you would find someone you love before me. I'll talk to you later!"
"Who said anything about love! Hello? Olivia?" I shook my head and put the phone down.
Why is it automatically assumed that you love someone as soon as you start dating them? Is that what society believes these days? Love should be felt sparingly.
Before I could continue my thinking, the buzzer rang, so I grabbed my purse and ran out the door, pausing only to lock my door.
I raced down the stairs and opened the door with a big smile on my face.
"Wow," Was the first thing that Luke said.
I looked down at my black dress and blushed. It wasn't too fancy in my opinion.
"You look beautiful," Luke whispered.
"Thanks. You look," I couldn't finish the sentence. "Well, there are no words to describe you. And I mean that in the best way possible." I walked over to him and grabbed his hand.
Luke smiled back and led me to his car. He opened the door for me, then got into the driver's seat.
"Is it worth asking where we are going?" I asked.
"Nope," Luke laughed.
I smiled and looked out the widow. We soon pulled into a fancy restaurant I had never been to.
Luke got out of the car, straightened his suit and tie and opened my door.
We walked into the restaurant. Luke had made reservations, which amazed me.
"When did you have time to make reservations?" I asked.
"I know a guy," Luke smiled.
We sat at a secluded table towards the back. I picked up a menu. Great. The first date out is always the hardest, especially ones to a fancy restaurant.
Ribs? Too messy.
Shrimp? Not a big fan.
Pasta? Not in the mood.
I could go with salad, but that seems like something only models eat.
I could take steak, but that is expensive, and there is no way Luke is going to let me pay.
A waitress came over, interrupting me from my thoughts.
"Hi! I'm Jamie. I'll be your server tonight. Would you like some wine or beer?" Jamie asked.
"No thank you," Luke and I said simultaneously.
"I'll just have some water," Luke told her.
"Make that two," I smiled.
"What are you getting to eat?" Luke wondered when she was gone.
"I don't know yet. You?" I replied.
"I can't decide between steak or salmon," Luke admitted, hoping he wouldn't be judged.
"Good choices. I was thinking about the steak myself. I was also thinking about a salad, but some people think only models eat salad," I informed.
Luke laughed. "Well then I am the best model ever."
I relaxed. That proves that I could be myself.
"Are you ready to order?" The waitress said, coming back over to the table.
"I am," I answered, and Luke nodded his head. I motioned for Luke to go first.
"I'll take the grilled salmon with a side of tossed salad," Luke told, winking at me when he said the salad.
"I'll take the 6 oz. sirloin cooked medium well. Side of tossed salad," I replied.
Luke and I talked through the whole night. Just as I predicted, Luke refused to let me pay, only settling for me paying the tip.
We stopped talking in the car ride as we rode in comfortable silence. Talking was so easy with Luke, but silence was also natural and calming.
Luke once again walked me to the door. I thought absolutely nothing could spoil this night, until I messed up.
As we stood under an awning that covered the doorway to my building, Luke looked me in the eye. Before I knew what was going on, he was leaning in to kiss me. My heart leapt, and I thought I would let him, but at the last possible second, I turned my head so that he would kiss my cheek.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, biting my lip and looking down.
A look of disappointment flashed behind Luke's eyes until it faded into understanding and, I shivered, love.
"Hey, it's fine. I don't want to rush things if you are not ready," Luke murmured.
I realized I was crying slightly, so in an attempt to make him not see, I gave Luke a tight hug. He hugged me back. When I pulled away, my hand grazed his shoulder, and it felt wet. Before he could ask questions, I slid my key into the door and ran in, taking the stairs two at a time and only stopping when I heard the door close behind me and no one walking in. I opened my apartment and kicked off the flats I was wearing.
When I got to my bedroom, I pulled the black dress over my head, threw it on the floor, and changed into pajamas.
Why? Who am I kidding? I know why. My refusal to believe that I could find someone who cared about me--truly cared--caused me to make what felt like the biggest mistake of my life.
Luke kept trying to call me, yet there was no way I was talking to him. Not after what I had done. Eventually, the calls stopped.
I went to my living room with my phone and turned on the TV. Fifteen minutes later, I got another call. This time it was Olivia.
"Hello?" I answered, my voice wavering slightly.
"Hey, honey, Luke called me and told me what happened. Are you okay?" Olivia murmured.
"Wait, Luke did what?" I exclaimed, ignoring her question.
"Chlo, he was worried about you, and you wouldn't answer your phone. He really carries," Olivia said softly. "And he understands that you may not want to take your relationship too fast."
"It's not that, Liv, it's," I hesitated, "it's something else. I'm sorry; I'm not ready to talk about it."
Olivia was quiet for a moment. "I understand. Just know that I am here to talk, okay?"
"Okay."
She met me end the call shortly after that, leaving me with just my thoughts--which was dangerous. I had always been the type of person who kept their thoughts hidden deep down inside. They could be exciting and optimistic or dark and scary. I never acted on the bad ones; however, they infiltrated my mind and took control.
"God, please help me," I called out.
But I hears only silence. It was so frustrating when that happened. I call out to him, and he does not answer. If he does, I just can not hear him (and praying for that guidance does not work either). Does anyone else out there understand that? Surely someone has to.
In a matter of a few painful minutes, I drifted off to sleep; a sleep that was rather void of . . . thoughts.