The Book of Undying Random. (OC's, one shots, status, and more!)

Memorable quotes from Mark Watney and the Ares 3 crew.

WARNING. SPOILERS FOR BOTH THE BOOK AND THE MOVIE, THE MARTIAN. ALSO SOME SWEARING. BE ADVISED.

Mark Watney Quotes

"Hell Yeah I'm a botanist! Fear my botany power!"

"I'm fucked."

"Godspeed, little taters. My life depends on you."

"My asshole is doing as much to keep me alive as my Brain."

"Turns out even nasa can't improve on duct tape."

"If ruining the only religious object I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it."

"Things are finally going my way. In fact, they're going great. I have a chance to live after all.
(Next entry:)
I am fucked and I'm gonna die!"

"Dammit Jim, I'm a botanist I'm not a chemist!"

"Disco. Godamn it Lewis!"

"Everything was going great until the explosion."

NASA director:
"I wonder what Watneys thinking about right now."

Meanwhile on Mars:
"How come aqua man can control whales. They're mammals! It makes no sense."

"Rover experimental missions will henceforth be known as 'Sirius' missions. Get it? Dogs? Well, if you don't then fuck you."

NASA: please watch your language. Everything you say is being broadcast across the globe.
Watney: Look. BOOBIES

"Bad woman take pillow."

"In your face, Neil Armstrong!!"

"Please tell them that each and every one of their mothers is a prostitute.
Watney.
Ps: Their sisters, too."

"JPL: The probe we're sending is called Iris. She's the goddess of rainbows.
Watney: Gay probe coming to save me. Got it"

"Aspire to a new level of coolness. Botanist cool."

"You started my training by buying me a beer. For breakfast. Germans are awesome."

"Frankly, I suspect you're a super villain. You're a chemist, you have a German accent, and a base on Mars."

"Luis, there's something more important than leaving me behind we need to talk about. Disco? Really? I understand the 70's TV, everyone loves hairy people with high collars, but disco? DISCO?!"

"Yes, of course Duct tape works in a near vacuum. Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped."

Watney: That's what she said.
Jpl: Seriously Mark? Seriously.

"Just once, I'd like things to go right."

"Ill call it a pirate-ninja."
Kilowatt = Pirate ninja.

"Yeah, that's right Mars. I'm gonna piss and shit on you. That's what you get for trying to kill me all the time."

"That's my Bullshît rationalization and I'm sticking with it."

"I tested them by hitting them with rocks. This kind of sophistication is what we interplanetary scientists are known for."

"I am smiling a great smile. The smile of a man who fucked with his car and didn't break it."

"Because I'm not on earth, maritime law applies. Because of that, when I go to Aries 4 and go in the MAV, I won't have permission, because they can't give me permission without coms. I will have taken control of a craft without permission. That makes me a pirate. A space pirate."

"The heating is working but things aren't hot enough in the bedroom. Story of my life."

"Pythagorus is a dick."

"As soon as the rover tipped, I curled into a ball and cowered. That's the kind of action hero I am."

"Holy shit this is Awesome. Holy shit, holy shit!!"

"The lunatics at nasa have me doing all kinds of rape to the MAV."

"There aren't many people who can say they've vandalized a 3 billion dollar spacecraft. But I'm one of them!"

Watney: "I know it's fatally dangerous, but consider this. I'd get to fly around like iron man!"
Lewis: "We'll keep working on ideas."
Watney: "Iron man, commander. Iron man!"

"Yay, A plan!"

"Thing is, I'm selfish. I want the memorials back home to be just for me. I don't want the rest of you losers in them! I can't let you guys blow up the ship."

"I can't see, it'll be another 211 days until I'm back on earth, my ribs hurt like hell and I smell like a skunk took a shit on some sweat socks. This is the happiest day of my life."
------------------------------------
NASA quotes.
------------------------------------

"Astronauts are inherently insane."

"Now I have to talk to my new best friend." He turns to the man by the screen. "What's you're name, new best friend?"

"Your request for anything, oh god, anything but disco is denied. Enjoy your boogie fever."

"Mark-as to your earlier question, no, we will not tell our botany team to go fuck themselves."

"Jack, I'm buying your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia."

"It's the council of Elrond from lord of the rings.'
Teddy: "If we get code names, I call glorfindel."
'Jesus. None of you got laid in high school, did you?"

-After Mitch shouts at teddy and storms out.
Teddy: "sorry, Annie. Sometimes men let testosterone rule their tempers-"
Annie: "I was hoping he'd kick your ass."

"We'll remove everything that isn't nailed down. And some stuff that is."

"You're sending him to space under a tarp."

*lewis tells them we're going to remove the air*
"What, what?"
"Oh, my god."
"Well, fuck me raw."
-------------------------------------
Hermes/ Aries 3 crew
-------------------------------------
"Houston, be advised. Rich Pernell is a steely eyed missile man."

"I have to wait another 533 days to get laid!'
'Well, so do i!"

"Million mile high club! Nice!"

"When we pick you up, I will make wild passionate love to you. Prepare your body. Johanson.
I didn't type that, that was Martinez. I stepped away from the console for like ten seconds.
Johanson.
I really missed you guys.
Watney."

Watney: " I could poke a hole in the glove of my EVA suit, use the escaping air as a thruster, and fly my way to you."
Martinez: How does he come up with this shit?"

"Vogel, we need you to come in and make a bomb."

Lewis: "Vogel's making a bomb."
Watney: "I knew that guy was a mad scientist."

Lewis- "well, if you don't want me too... Wait a minute. I'm looking at my shoulder patch, and it turns out I'm the commander. Stay put. We're coming to get you."