Zach and Abby

10. - Edited

Abby - Edited

 October

"Dude, I passed 'GO' like two turns ago and you still haven't paid me two hundred dollars," Zach spoke, staring daggers at Austin like this was a game using real money.

"That's because you didn't remind me so I don't have to pay you," Austin shot back, once again like the outcome of this game would impact their entire life here after. I sat back, not intervening because I've learned my lessons from past experiences. The same argument is hashed out every Thursday night which has somehow become Monopoly game night over the past four weeks.

Over the last four weeks, I've gotten back into the swing of things concerning all things school and Zach has found a place in the friend duo that is me and Austin – creating a trio, I guess. Over the last four weeks, I've gotten better at being around Zach and not stuttering or giggling awkwardly at everything he says to me. We've actually become somewhat close friends and it would be more then I could ask for if I didn't want him as anything more than that.

That's really where my problems lay.  I'm too caught up on a guy who has the rest of the female population at school throwing their panties at him everywhere he goes. He seems like he doesn't notice, but it also looks like he doesn't even notice me.

We go out sometimes – to dinner, the movies, study sessions at the library – but it's never felt like more. A month ago when we went to dinner at Luigi's, it felt he had taken me there on purpose and he was trying to get to know me better for a purpose. I hate how a girl's mind can imagine signs and signals that a guy is into her because it puts you in a position like me: awkwardly pining for a guy who doesn't like you.

And so, in the end, I reach two conclusions. Zach views me as a friend who he sometimes does homework with and grabs a cup of coffee with before a morning class. And two, I can't keep anyone around. It's not just Zach, in fact it's mostly not him, but it doesn't help my self esteem if he shows interest one second and then the next treats me like a little sister. I guess I just fall for the wrong guys; no surprise there.

The only positive thing that I could remember happening this month is Austin dropped our morning history class about two weeks ago. He was taking too many classes or something and had to drawback on a few classes that really wouldn't help him in his chosen major. So, with him gone, it's just me and Zach, alone every other morning for about two hours. He usually meets me outside my dorm and if it's cold that morning, he's always there holding two things of hot chocolate. I'm sure he does it on purpose – just seeing how far I can fall before I break my own heart when I realize he's  not interested and isn't planning on catching me.

And because there's a positive, there has to be a negative. The asshole finds it okay to hold my hand at random times, like when we're moving through the crowded dining hall or running late for class and have to literally run to make it on time. He will also kiss my forehead when we part and it still has the same effect it does on me like it did when we were in high school. It leaves me confused and breathless most of the time.

I've asked Austin, but like the typical guy, he doesn't really understand what he calls female problems. The minute I mentioned it, it probably went in one ear and out the other. He mumbled something like he would to talk to Zach, but I'm sure he would have no recollection of that conversation if I brought it back up.

When they had finally settled the money debate, I checked my phone, seeing it was a little after ten o'clock. Usually, the group split up when someone flipped the board out of anger or someone was suspected of cheating and stealing money. Most of the time, the fighting occurred between Austin and Zach and I just sat back and laughed because they looked more like they were two years old then twenty years old. However, they also looked like brothers and acted like it which I was grateful for. Austin needed a guy friend to talk football and hot girls with. I couldn't do that but Zach fit the role perfectly.

"It's getting late guys, I'm gonna head home," I called over yet another pointless argument concerning someone swallowing one of the plastic hotels so they wouldn't have to pay the extra fee that came with it. I rolled my eyes at their immatureness, but they stopped whatever they were talking about as soon as I stood up.

"You need a ride home?" Zach asked, smiling and standing up. He always offered and most of the time I accepted because I was pathetically happy that it would give me more time with him. But not tonight; I just wanted to take the short walk to clear my head.

"No thanks. It's a short walk anyways," I replied, collecting my stuff which just consisted of my phone and light jacket. The walk between me and Austin's dorm buildings was less than a quarter of a mile it wasn't worth making Zach waste gas on a two minute drive.

I gave Austin a hug because that was our usual, but Zach and I hadn't really reached that point yet. There was slight awkward pause as we waited to see if one would lean in to give the other a hug, but when no one moved, I just threw him a smile and walked towards the door.

"See you tomorrow," Austin said and Zach muttered something along the same lines just as I closed the door. I waited outside for a split second, not letting the part of my brain that wanted to go back in and ask for a ride win. I took a deep breath and began walking home in the dark of an Arizona night.

I sighed continuously along the way, something I'd been doing a lot more ever since he showed up at my doorstep. The boy could give me goose bumps with just one look, give me smiles that made my heart melt, but could leave me so confused I gave myself a migraine.

I really needed to stop. It was almost embarrassing to feel this way for someone who would never even think about looking at you like that. I needed to stop before I caused myself any more pain in the relationship department.