Zach and Abby

45.

Abby 

I could tell as soon as he woke up. I hadn't been staring at him for hours, I wasn't even facing him, but his hand that found it's way across my waist had tensed. And that's what made everything real again.

Last night was a blur, you couldn't put it any other way. I don't even think it registered that it had been Zach who got that guy off me until I looked in the mirror of his bathroom and saw me in his clothes. Which smelled like him and so I spent about two minutes just smelling them, because that's also when it clicked just how much I'd missed him.

And for the first time in a long time, the pain wasn't there. It still hurt a lot for everything we'd been through even though it was pretty much all my fault, but it wasn't pain. It was more of an afterthought, if that makes any sense.

All in all, I think last night was a new beginning. The hurt I was feeling was just me putting everything we'd been through behind us. It was time to start over and build something stronger.

And I'd thought a lot about this over the past nine hours or so. Of course I didn't get a minute of sleep because my brain had been on overdrive.

I don't think I was necessarily scared that the guy last night was going to take advantage of me. I was mainly scared because I'd felt alone for the first time in a long time. In the few moments before Zach showed up, I thought I had no one.

It's pretty much inevitable that my mom will pass away within the next few months. After she's gone, I don't have anyone if I don't have Zach. And with that guy pressed up against me like I was all his, shoved that in my face. I know I have Wes and Jess, but still; they don't know me like a true family member would. Things are still awkward sometimes when there are silences between us and I'm positive they won't even want to associate with me after they learn just how crazy and messed up I am.

But Zach wouldn't leave me, I had finally convinced myself sometime around three this morning. This doesn't mean I'm ready to jump into the relationship again, but I think I would give it a shot.

"Are you awake?"

I missed his voice much more then I had ever realized. Especially hearing like this, in the morning, while one hand was over my waist and he was pressed against my back. Unlike that asshole last night, Zach felt right; it made me feel somewhat whole being wrapped in his arms.

But I debated on answering. Things couldn't go back to just rainbows and unicorns, like nothing had ever happened. Our first time actually speaking to each other in over a month led to us sharing a bed, but we couldn't just go from there. Things would need to be talked about and worked through and thought over, which sounds so completely awkward and honestly isn't on my agenda this morning.

So, like the procrastinator I am, I let his question hang in the air for maybe ten minutes or so.

"Yeah."

And then there was peace. Like an odd kind of silence, where words aren't needed. We just get one another and I'd never thought I'd be able to connect with someone like that. We didn't move, we stayed connected front to back and let out emotions we were to afraid to say out loud or show on our faces.

Outside his room I could hear the other guys milling about and I didn't even want to think about how it would look or what they would think when they saw me leaving. I really didn't want a big welcome show made about it because it was more then likely I would be leaving here as still a single girl, but knowing them, confetti would be thrown and beer would be passed around. They're crazy and would definitely do something like that.

But in order to leave, I first needed to get Zach's arm off my waist, where I don't remember it being last night; when I had tried so hard to keep space between us. But then my raging hormones and broken heart had just reached out and captured his hand in the vast darkness, feeling complete for the first time in a long time.