Zach and Abby

26. - Edited

Zach - Edited

I woke up and immediately felt her next to me. When I listened, finally, there wasn’t any more crying or sniffling. I'd fallen in and out of sleep but each time I came to, I’d hear her. It was this small whimpering sound, like when a puppy is trying to ask for food or something.

It breaks your heart to hear. It hurts even more when you’re in the love with the girl who’s breaking.

I don’t know who decides your cards for you but whoever laid out Abby’s made a mistake. Austin and I were helpless, we didn’t have the cure for cancer and it was unlikely we’d invent it anytime soon. Things like these were waiting games in disguise only everyone comes out a loser in the end.

Life was about to get a hell of a lot tougher. I lay there next to her, not even knowing what time it was, praying we were strong enough to face it. My arms tightened, my chin found a resting place on her shoulder. I couldn’t predict the future, I didn’t know if the time she would spend in my arms was limited and I wanted to memorize every moment.

After a while, the commotion and voices outside my door faded away. By then I figured everyone had left for class or was at least out of the house. Carefully, I undid myself from around Abby, listening for the slightest noise, slightest movement to say she was awake.

She didn’t make a sound, didn’t move at all. From the view at the end of the bed, it was as if she was a statue, perfectly sculpted into the fetal position. It was almost eleven when I checked my phone, it was decided last night we were all taking a much needed skip day.

Coach would get over it. My girlfriend’s mom has breast cancer.

I hopped in the shower, too tired to shave the stumble beginning to grow on my face. The bags under my eyes, the pale coloring of my skin made me feel more hungover than anything. The few pictures I’d seen of my dad growing up nearly matched what was looking back at me in the mirror.

Abby still wasn’t up by the time I was out and dressed. I’d let her sleep all day if she needed to, if it took away reality for a little while. Downstairs, I found Austin eating a bowl of cereal, staring off into space. He didn’t even notice I was there until I waved a hand in front of his face.

He grunted out a hey but didn’t say more than that. We weren’t even done with college and already the real world was hitting us hard. Parents aren’t supposed to pass until you’re like fifty with three kids and a grandchild on the way.

Abby and I will have lost both within the next five years. I didn’t know much about my mom, what happened to her after my grandparents took me in. Who knew if she was still alive or if she had more kids after me.

Deb had become like a parent to all of us. Even the guys on the team would lose someone after this. I’d say it wasn’t fair but I knew there was no changing it. Like everything else in life, time would heal whatever wounds we have, it would teach us how to live without a mother.

As if in a zombie state, I made Abby’s favorite – bacon and eggs. I knew when she woke up, she’d be hungry and I’d have something ready for her. She might not want to eat but I wasn’t going to let her neglect herself just because she was in denial.