Dizzy

Chapter 16

~ Ziah ~

I know it's petty, but Paul's flirtation is the perfect cure for Dylan's rejection. I laugh with him and play thumb war and grin like an idiot every time he makes a fake move—like yawning to put his arm over me. He even kissed me once on the cheek as a consolation prize when I lost three times in a row.

Our legs are pressed together because he's screwing around, but it's not like having Dylan's leg against mine. Not even close.

Dylan's silent, but I can't really see him because Paul's not a small guy, and the middle seat is up just a tad higher than the other two. Probably best.

I make it all the way home before I internalize what happened between me and Dylan. I'm able to say goodbye to everyone, and I make it up the steps of the porch and through the living room to the stairs and through the door of my room when the whole thing comes crashing down.

He probably kissed me because I was leaning up, and he didn't want me to feel stupid. Or maybe he kissed me because he's a guy and will kiss anyone. But then... I mean, wow. Never once in the year James and I were together have I ever felt that way. Like I finally get those movie scenes where they're tripping over everything on their way to get to the bed.

Oh.

But Dylan wants to be friends. So whatever I was feeling, he definitely wasn't. How much of an idiot does that make me? I'm not sure if I can handle continuing to be shoved aside like this. It hurts. It hurts like it shouldn't hurt, because I knew from the first moment I saw him that he was not the kind of guy I should get involved with.

Maybe I should be glad we're just friends. Only I'm not even sure if he wants that, because I can't imagine facing him again with that kiss between us. Everything just sucks.

***

"Ziah, please. This is ridiculous!" James is following me to my car.

My keys won't hold still for me to unlock the door.

"Ziah." His hand touches my shoulder, and I shrug him away.

I jerk open the driver's side door, throw in my backpack, but my resolve to drive away from him starts to fade. I turn to face him.

"I'm going crazy without you. Please, can't we just talk?" He's on the verge of tears.

I wonder how we got to the point where he's still crying over us, and I'm still just mad.

"Fine." Maybe it's time to get this over with. I glance around at the students flooding into the parking lot. "Climb in."

I sit in the driver's seat and contemplate driving away, but I don't. Instead, I clutch the keys in my hand more tightly. I watch him walk around the front of the car. He's so familiar. Familiar like family, comfortable like an old friend, and an asshole just like every other guy who thinks it's okay to cheat on their girlfriend. What on Earth am I going to say to him?

He sits in the passenger's seat still smelling like formaldehyde from his last class. He has a free period and uses it to help Mr. Lester teach freshman biology instead of going home early. It's just the sort of nice thing James does that makes it hard to stay mad at him. But I still want to be mad at him, and that makes it easier.

Wow. Awkward silence.

"You're not acting like yourself, Ziah." He angles his body to see me.

Now that we're in this small space together, I wonder if it would have been better to stand outside. It's like I'm running out of air.