Dizzy

Chapter 25

~Dylan~

Even though it's freezing outside and I hate to be cold, I've been sitting on the deck since I got out of the shower. Yep, that's right, a couple hours. But the cool, crisp air is not only keeping me awake, it's also somehow keeping me from freaking out while Paul's gone.

I've been trying to judge time since he left. He was calling when he walked out. It wouldn't take long for him to find her or to get a hold of someone who knew exactly where she was. If she gave a crap or cared at all and left right away, she could be here in minutes.

My heart and head have been warring this whole time over whether I'm ready or not, but I wonder if this is something you can ever be ready for. Or if it's something you just jump into, somehow navigate your way through, and then come out on the other side either better for it or more screwed up than you were before.

Wow... maybe Paul's not the only one who's doing better at figuring stuff out.

Lights chase each other across the driveway off to the side of the house. My leg starts jumping up and down as a car door opens and slams shut. Click, click, click, of heels sound on the pavement, and then she's here, standing in front of me.

She looks just like I remember. Young—she was always young, younger than dad. My eyes look back at me, but her hair is lighter than mine or Derrick's. She's all wrapped up in an expensive jacket, and I can't help but wonder if she bought it herself. What does she do? Or does she stay home with other kids the way she used to stay home with us while her new husband works?

All of a sudden, I am ready. I need this. No, I want this. Without a word, I walk inside. She follows.

"Dylan," she says, but I turn to her, holding my hand up to stop her.

I plop into a living room chair, and she sits across from me on the couch.

"Where have you been?" I say. There's no emotion in my voice, and I like it that way.

She's fidgeting with her purse. "California first. Then back East. I'm in New Jersey right now. I'm head of my department—"

"Family?"

A small nod is my reply. It pierces through me, but it's just another thing to add to the hurt she's caused. The hurt I'm going to get over.

"How long have you been back? You been talking to everyone but me?"

"I just got into town when I saw you. Derrick started looking for me because of the wedding. I got a message. He wasn't even sure it was me, but I had to come before I lost my nerve."

Before she lost her nerve? Heat spikes in my body. She stands like she's going to come over to me, but the look on my face makes it clear she'd better not. I don't want her comfort.

She sits back down.

"I'm not done." My hand automatically moves up and rubs the back of my neck. I'm freaked out that my voice won't work. I'm freaked out about what she'll say, but I have to ask.

The word is near a whisper. "Why?"

"Like I said, Derrick called because of the wedding... I think he wanted closure."

It's not what I meant, and she has to know it.

"Why?" I ask again, scared of having the answer and not having it, too. "No bullshit either. Even if you didn't love Dad, why did you leave me and Derrick?"

I wait while she stalls. Takes a few breaths. Messes with her purse more. Her eyes look back at me shimmering more than they were before. When she finally starts to talk, her voice is so soft I have to struggle to hear her.