Finding The Courage (a Ziam Mayne AU)

Chapter Seventeen "Mistakes"

Zayn's POV

I rushed out of the room, back into the pounding music and the crowd of sweating people.

I turned around about twice until I spotted Christian, leaning against the side of an armchair, talking to someone about something apparently very funny.

I walked towards him, grabbed the collar of his button-down shirt and pulled him with me, shoving him against the next best wall. Without any further thinking I smashed my lips onto his.

After a moment of surprise, he returned the kiss, impatiently, placing his hands on my waist and pulling me closer towards him, if that was even possible.

He moaned over the loss of contact when I pulled back. "Let's get the hell outta here.", I whispered under my breath.

He stared at me, excitement in his eyes, his chest moving up and down heavily. His lips curled into a smile.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him with me into the guest's bedroom, threw him onto the bed and hastily locked the door behind me.

"Hi.", I hissed nervously and slowly moved towards him. I let myself fall forward, placing my hands on either side of his head.

"How did-" Before he could finish his sentence, I shut him up, pressing my lips on his again.

He started biting my lower lip, while pulling on my jumper, asking for permission to take it off. I let him and began unbuttoning his shirt.

Then, suddenly, I hesitated. I sat up and looked at him, aghast. "This is a mistake.", I breathed.

He propped himself up on his arms, looking me straight in the eyes. "A sweet mistake.", he murmured, trying to kiss me again.

"Christian, I... I don't..."

He cupped my face in his hands. "Let's not ruin this with talking."

I got up from the bed and took a step back. "I'm sorry, Christian. I shouldn't have... I'm just using you to... This is wrong..."

He came after me and ran his thumb over my cracked lips. "But you don't hear me complaining, do you?"

"I'm sorry.", I said again and rushed to the door. When I'd finally unlocked it, I ran towards the balcony and threw the doors open, letting the freezing January-air hit my skin, taking a deep breath to clear my thoughts.

It didn't help.

I let the doors fall shut and sank down on the floor. I'm a terrible person. I was disgusted with myself.

I don't know how long I sat there in the cold. I had lost all sense of time and space.

I barely noticed when someone put his hand on my shoulder. "Zayn, what are you doing here?" Louis cowered next to me, eyeing me in concern. "Where are your clothes? It's freezing out here."

I shrugged.

"Wanna come inside?"

I shook my head.

"Alright..." He thought for a second. "Wait here. Don't move."

I wouldn't.

When he came back he brought a fuzzy, blue blanket that he carefully draped around my shoulders. He sat down next to me. "Wanna talk about it?"

I moved my head sideways to signify No. "I'd rather not."

"It's okay. We don't need to talk. We'll just sit here on the balcony then." He smiled slightly. "...at negative three degrees Celsius." He shuddered and scooted over to me. "Gimme some of that blanket, will you?"

When we were both wrapped up all nice and cozy into the blanket, he pulled out a small package.

"I didn't know you smoked.", I said, raising my eyebrows at him.

"I don't.", he said, opening the pack and handing me one of the cigarets. "But I know you do sometimes - and I thought this could be one of those times."

I tugged the cigaret between my lips and tried to light it with the lighter he gave me. My fingers were trembling, partially from the cold, partially because I was a mess. I watched in growing desperation how the flame flicked from one side of the cigaret to the other, always missing its tip.

Louis wrapped his hands around mine and took the lighter back. "Come here." He lit the cigaret for me and I blew the grey smoke into the frosty air, the burning pressure leaving my lungs together with it.

I handed him the cigaret, when he lightly tapped on my fingers. He only dragged on it lightly and instantly started coughing like he was about to die. "Nope.", he groaned, holding it as far away from his face as possible. "I'll leave that to you."

I laughed slightly.

He smiled. "Well, there you go. Nothing's so bad that you can't fix it if there's still something that can make you smile."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his shoulder, trying to believe that was true. "Thanks, Lou." I mumbled.

"Hey, that's what friends are for."