Finding The Courage (a Ziam Mayne AU)

Chapter Twenty-One "Need To Talk"

Zayn's POV

I need to talk to you.
- Zayn

Please.

I'm sorry.

I have to explain.

It's not your fault. I wasn't being fair.

With every text I sent I got more nervous. Christian had just disappeared from the party, after what happened between us.

I felt guilty. I felt terrible. I needed to talk this out with him, it couldn't stay like this any longer.

"Constantly staring at your phone isn't going to make this any better, sweetie.", Chrissy said, stroking the back of my head. She, Niall and I had slept over at Louis' after the party. That would have been the plan anyways, but Louis wouldn't let me go, when I had started ranting about how I had to follow Christian.

Not really because he didn't want me to talk to him anymore but rather because he hadn't wanted to let me go into the nighttime streets in the state I was in.

He still didn't know about anything that happened between Liam and me. He didn't need to. Not yet, anyways.

When I suddenly heard my phone buzz, I sprinted to the couch where I'd left it.

I'm outside. Meet me there.
-x Christian.

"I'll be right back.", I yelled to the others and ran towards the door.

Christian sat on a bench with his phone clutched between his hands. When he heard me come closer he jumped up and stiffened.

"How did you know I was here?", I asked.

He shrugged. "Intuition."

I started to blurt out what I'd been preparing to say all morning right away: "I have to be honest with you. This... We could never happen. I just know I would only hurt you. And I need you to know that and understand that. Because I like you way too much to let you get hurt."

"I know.", he said, to my surprise. "But I can't do it." His emerald eyes trailed down to the floor and he started fumbling with the hem of his jacket. "I understand. And I appreciate your honesty. But I don't think I could be just friends with you. For now... Maybe things will get better someday but right now, I can't be around you anymore."

I expected him to say something like that. Still, it hurt. I really liked him. And seeing him like this made me feel like I want to cry. I did this. I was the one who hurt him, even though I was now claiming I was just trying to protect him.

"I'm sorry.", he said, now looking at me again, forcing a smile onto his lips.

"Me too.", I breathed and took a step towards him. "I guess this is goodbye, then."

He cupped my cheek with his cold hand, nodding slightly. "Yeah, it is.", he said quietly and kissed me on the cheek.

He turned around and started walking, as I just stared at him, a heavy weight lifted from my shoulders.

"Where were you?", Niall asked when I came back into the house.

"I talked to Christian. I said I can't be together with him and he said we can't be friends anymore.", I explained, making it feel more definite and more freeing and more painful.

"Sorry to hear that.", he said, giving me a warm hug, chasing the January-cold out of my body. Niall's hugs were the best!

"It's better this way.", I said and absentmindedly got back to cleaning up the living room.

"What are you doing here?", Chrissy said suddenly, more surprised than angry, and I turned around to see who she was talking to.

My heart fell onto the floor. Liam stood in the door frame next to Harry who's eyes started glimmering hen he spotted Louis.

But I couldn't care about them right now. What was he doing here? Why did he always have to come back to me? Making my heart jump and my stomach turn.

I tried to convince myself he wasn't here because of me. Maybe he forgot something. Maybe Harry just wanted to come back. But his eyes were fixed on me, a hint of anger in them that he was desperately trying to hide.