Waiting

Notes

Sungjoo watched Yibo's back get farther and farther away. Yibo's face before he turned was being engraved behind his eyelids. Every time he blinked he would see the hurt in the other's face. He saw the hesitation, the fake smile, the forced wave. He saw everything there was to see in Yibo's face. He saw a face of goodbye. He wanted to call out to Yibo, to ask him where he's going and what he's doing after school. Sungjoo wanted to know.

He felt a tug on his arm and he turned to see Yixuan beckoning him to get to class. Sungjoo looked back one more time but Yibo was gone, it was too late. Just like any other time.

It was frustrating, not knowing why Yibo looked like that. He was sure Yibo was hurting, but he didn't know why. Why did he look so hesitant? Why did he have to force the smile onto his face? Why did he have to leave early?

-

Sungjoo gripped his knees as his choir teacher gave the voice test, where they had to match the pitch of their voice with the keys on the piano. The sound of the key's echoed in his head as if they were marking each time something bad happened.

Do. 'I was late one day. Yibo usually doesn't mind, but he was mad at the time, I remember.' Sungjoo thought about why he was late. 'I saw Yixuan and I wanted to become friends with him but he left right when the bell rang. I went looking for him and eventually gave up. That's why I was late.' He nodded to himself, wondering why Yibo was mad about that.

'Yibo usually lets it slide when I'm late, I was late 3 hours before and Yibo didn't seem that mad.' He remembered Yibo told him he just had a lot of homework to work on but something in his gut told him that wasn't true. He thought about it more and he remembered Yibo seemed fine up until he gave the reason.

'When I told him that I saw a cute guy he got mad.'

Re. 'We were walking home the next day. I was early, I was actually there waiting for Yibo. I... what did I do to make him mad? He was mad that day too, I remember.'
He heard his name being called and he stood. The teacher was calling him to take the test. He stared into space for a while before walking towards the piano.

His mind was fogged as he took the test. He had practiced a lot before so he was able to finish without trying. If his teacher noticed she didn't say anything about it. Sungjoo walked back to the corner, why was Yibo mad that day? Was he teasing the other about having a crush? No, that was the same day he was late.

Mi. 'I was talking about Yixuan.' Sungjoo remembered. He remembered describing Yixuan's outfit and describing everything about him, he remembered how big the crush he had was when he first met Yixuan. He remembered Yibo walking straight into his house as he daydreamed. He wished he would have seen Yibo's face as he went to the door, maybe he would have figured this out earlier.

Fa. 'Yibo stopped coming to the lunch table.' He remembered the days passed and they were filled with him talking to Yixuan, being a little surprised whenever he got a response. Yixuan usually tried to keep the conversation going, Sungjoo was accustomed to Yibo staying silent.

So. 'Yibo missed lunch that one day too before he met Yixuan' he remembered. 'Yibo was gone the first day I asked Yixuan to sit with us, and Yibo was at school that day. We walked to school and back home together. Why wasn't he at lunch that day?' He tried to remember if he had asked the other but he wasn't able to recall the memory. 'I never asked him about it...' Sungjoo noticed, a dark feeling rested in his chest, the feeling of guilt.

'It was after the day he started to get a lot of homework, the first time he didn't play League in a while... He could have had a hard time finishing it. But he didn't seem sleepy that morning, it didn't look like he stayed up all night. He was completely fine and he's not the type to procrastinate, especially if he had a lot of homework. He's done homework in front of me too. He could have ditched because Yixuan was sitting there, but he always gets to the table before me and he couldn't have known Yixuan was going to sit with us that day, I didn't even know he was going to sit with us.'