N♂RMAL

02 | Crumbling

Orientation sucked.

There were so many things that we had to do, and none of it made much sense to me. I understood getting to know our orientation leaders, but there were so many ceremonies and meetings and activities. It was overwhelming, and I didn't get to take my normal midday nap. I was cranky from missing my nap, but no one seemed to bother me about it. I think they just wrote it off as part of my personality.

It wasn't.

It really wasn't.

I was agitated and frustrated. No one seemed to be listening to my silent cry for help. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to go back home already. I wasn't ready to be an adult yet. I didn't want to experience college anymore. I just wanted my mom and our cat Skye. Mom had told me that it would be a good learning experience for me, but I didn't want to be here anymore.

"You guys will have an hour to fresh yourselves up before we reconvene for our group dinner," the orientation leader announced with an overzealous smile. If he was a picture and I had a marker, I would have angrily scribbled over his entire face. "Be sure to dress nicely, because we have another presentation after."

Our group broke, and I hurriedly pulled out my phone to call my mom. She picked up after only a couple of rings. I whimpered my complaints over the phone while my mom told me that she would come pick me up now. I told her that I would wait outside of the student center as I made my way there. I sniffled as I relayed to her all of my inner turmoil—anger, frustration, absolute heartache.

"Just give the classes a try, baby. I know it's hard right now, but once classes start, things won't be as chaotic." I made more sniffling noises. "Come on, Carson. It's just one more day of orientation, then it'll all be over and then you'll be learning again. You like learning, right?"

I nodded, even though she couldn't possibly see the action. "Yeah."

"Once you start classes, you'll be okay," she repeated. "I know you'll be okay. I wouldn't let you leave my sight if I didn't trust in that."

I sighed and sat on a bench outside of the student center. The summer sun was still shining strong, but all I wanted to do was curl up in bed—my bed. My bed that was currently sitting at home, unused.

We talked for a few more minutes until I could see her car pulling up the curb in front of me. We disconnected, and I crawled into the passenger seat once she had stopped. She rubbed my shoulder in a comforting manner, and all I wanted to do was cry.

"I don't want to go to any more meetings or activities. Seriously, what were they thinking? Three days of nonstop activities for people? Not everyone is that extroverted or even that assimilated to these stupid schedules. What if people are jetlagged? That's so unfair to them."

I was trying to stop the tears, but I was beyond exhausted. I couldn't stop them if I tried, so I didn't even bother. My mom let me hold her hand on the way to the hotel, where almost all of my stuff was still being held. We hadn't had a lot of time to move into the dorms yet, so we only dropped off the larger items and things I wouldn't need for the next two days. I was going to try to soak up all the time I could with my mom before she had to leave—before she had to go back home.

Getting ready for dinner didn't take that long. I still didn't want to, but my mom had bribed me with frozen yogurt after the whole ordeal was done. They were having a special parent get-together during the students' mandatory dinner and presentation tonight, so I curled up in bed, fully dressed, waiting for my mom to finish getting ready as well.

When we were both ready for our respective events, we shuffled our way out of the hotel room, and I rejoined my group outside of the dining hall right in time. My group leader—with that dumb glowing smile—started talking as soon as he saw me "settle" into the group. Apparently, I was the last one to arrive.