Doomed (Winchester Romance)

Chapter 5

The cabin look deserted.  Plants were growing wildly around it, the walls had splinters sticking out, and the floor screamed every time I put my foot in the wrong place.  It didn't seem to me like anyone was living here.

"Trust me, they're here," Becky said determinedly.  "They're just very good at hiding themselves." 

I kind of believed her on that.  Becky went into the house as I stayed outside and kept watch.  I don't know what I was supposed to be searching for exactly.  There was a 99.9% chance that Sam and Dean knew we were here. 

These men were so full of secrets and lies that separating themselves from the world and keeping hidden probably wasn't a new thing for them. And it probably wasn't very difficult.

And that was when the weight of what I was doing crashed down on me.  I was running away from my home, my family and friends- my life.  I had to start over and rebuild myself all over again.  I was completely and utterly alone.

It didn't take me long to realize I couldn't stand anymore and snuggled up against the outside walls.  My breathing was fast, but my heart wasn't racing.  Instead, it was empty.  My heart wasn't feeling anything at all.  I just wasn't feeling.

They say that the worst feeling in the world is loneliness or emptiness.  But they're wrong.  It's feeling absolutely nothing at all.  To not have any purpose to go on living, to not have motivation to do things.  That's what breaks people.  To have a war raging in your mind on a daily basis is hell.

And slowly and silently, my unshed tears rolled down my cheek.  I buried my face in my hands to block myself from the world.  I wanted to protect myself from the harm I knew was coming my way.  No one would ever trust me that I wasn't a monster.  They would always hate me. 

I sensed them before I heard the footsteps and the loading of their guns.  But I didn't look up right away because my exhaustion and defeat had finally won.  I didn't care if they killed me, and I didn't care if they didn't. 

"Who the hell are you?" Dean's voice demanded. 

I reluctantly raised my head and stared into their eyes impassively.  "Briseis," I answered knowingly.

Both of their eyes went wide and they turned to each other in disbelief.  Sam shook his head briefly to clear his thoughts and opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.  Dean kept blinking as if I would fade into a dream, but I stayed. 

"Briseis," Sam said first, concern palpable on his face.  He kneeled down next to me as Dean put away his gun.  "What are you doing here?"

What could I say?  If I told them what I did- what I was- they would kill me.  But it looked like I had no other choice.  "I hurt someone," I breathed, my tears not having fully stopped.  "I didn't mean to, I swear.  It just kind of happened.  I don't even know how I did it."

"Shh," Sam soothes me, putting his arm around me.  "It's okay.  We're not going to hurt you.  Just tell us what happened."

I looked up to Dean who was leaning against a garden table and waiting expectantly.  My eyes fell to the ground and I licked my lips, not knowing if I should run or tell.

"It's better if you tell us now rather than us figure it out from the police," Dean interrupted, reading my mind.

I looked up at Dean through thick lashes as a tear fell through my grasp.  And suddenly Dean's composure changed.  I saw him inhale sharply and his eyes fix onto mine.  His lips parted like he just saw a ghost.  But for the most part, he was in bewilderment.

I dropped my eyes from him and then turned to Sam, who was staring at Dean in confusion.  Then Sam turned his eyes on me and froze.  His face reacted the same way Dean's did and time seemed to stop for all three of us.