Life of Samcro (sons of anarchy)

40

I never thought leaving someone would be so hard . I mean of course it's going to be hard , especially if you love them but I didn't think it would hurt this much . My mom and dad had been a good support , considering how my dad is after the accident he still makes me smile and laugh which is such a great thing. Michael has also been a huge help , considering he wanted to be in the sons , he has changed his mind after he saw how fast Jax changed .

It's all down to clay . Clay changed him , he used to be so loving so happy but clay done something to him when they took a trip to Las Vegas and ever since Jax has been so mean, so down . He doesn't look at junior anymore , he doesn't even help Michael . He only talks to me when he has to ask about dinner or something silly . He doesn't talk to me anymore because I'm just an old lady to him now .

"Do you miss him?" My mom asked

"It's been what 24 hours and I miss him like crazy" I said placing my coffee down

"Maybe you both need a break to realise what you both have" my mom said

"I don't know mom . He really hurt me . I never thought he would sleep with another women after we got together, never mind sleep with Brianna . He could have chose anyone but he chose her which makes it hurt even more" I said and I could feel myself start to cry but I knew I couldn't cry anymore

"He's not in a good place Mia and I'm not taking his side . Ever since the accident with your dad , Opie and Zac , he hasn't been himself . Clay had changed him and made him not care to much about everything , clay keeps saying that is how John died when that is a lie and we all know it ourselves" my mom said

"That was no accident . They three knew something and they were all supposed to die , even my dad said so but they didn't . Clay is the blame for Jax being the way he is but clay did not make him sleep with Brianna!" I said "also he tried to say it was because I was hanging out with Trevor . I married him so I would never sleep with another man or even think of another man in that way!" I said defending myself , even though I didn't have to

"Jax is an idiot . We are all thinking it right now . No one is to blame except him" my mom said

I didn't answer her I just got up and made my way to my temporary room . Michael took Junior out for a walk so they weren't in the room and I was glad .

I lay on the bed and stated crying . This is the first time I have properly cried since Jax cheated on me . I did cry when he told me but i didn't break down . Not the way I am right now . I just want to understand why he would throw away a 9 month marriage and a life long friendship. It just hurts so much because it was Brianna he chose to call , he chose to go to her home and sleep with her . He could have had anyone yet he chose the one girl that I never wanted him to touch ever again .

It just makes me think that maybe he doesn't love me . Maybe he thinks about Brianna more than me , maybe he loves her and that's why he slept with her again . I didn't want to think of all the bad things but I couldn't stop myself .

Being cheated on is such a horrible feeling because it makes your feel like you aren't what your partner wants anymore . It makes you feel like you aren't enough , it just makes you feel so low about yourself and it's hard . I never understood how hard it would be but I did try with Jax , I tried so hard but I knew I had to spend time away from him , even though it's killing me to not pick up the phone and ring him .

"Can we come in?" I heard Michael ask at the other side of the door

"Of course" I said as Michael opened the door with Junior on his hip

"Momma , Michael showed me how to score a goal" junior smiled

I've been so proud of how junior is progressing in his speech and how much is progressing in general . He eats by himself , he can put some clothing on himself , he can ride a scooter , he can speak clearly . He's just really grown so much and I'm so proud of him .

"That's amazing , did you guys have fun ?" I asked

"We did " junior said

We played around for a while until my mom took Junior to bath him , which was a big help for me as I wasn't feeling up to leaving my bed for tonight .

"Dad called me today" Michael said

"What did he say?" I asked

"Not much, was asking how we were and how bad he felt for not saying bye . He was also crying for a while, he misses you" Michael said and he lay beside me on the bed

"I miss him too but I can't go back, not yet" I said

"What he done was out of line and he should never have done it but you two are soul mates . You are meant to be " Michael said

"But sometimes people who are meant to be don't end up together" I said

"I think this would all be easier if he wasn't in the club . Our lives would be easier and their would be more trust between you both" Michael said as he sat up and stared at me

"The club does destroy marriages and families , look at my parents, Opie and Donna . Most of the guys leave this club with no wife or old lady . That's one thing I don't want for you , that's why I pulled you from the prospect role . You deserve more than this life Michael and I want to see you succeed in something you will do amazing at" I said sitting up with him

"I know . I want to make you and dad proud . You wanted me as your son and I wanted you to take on the role of my mother and you done that . You've gave me more than what anyone could so I want to show you that I can do more than anyone ever expected" Michael smiled

"Enough talk about this . How are you and Emma ?" I asked

"We are great . Considering she is of at college and I deferred a year we are going good "

Michael and I sat up for most of the night talking about him and Emma . It's nice to see him so happy after the past year he has had . It makes me happy seeing him smile and talk about his girlfriend . I always saw they two getting together and they both didn't expect it but they two are made for each other .

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Sorry to skip so quickly but I want to finish this story as I have another story I want to publish !