So Far ••• Matty Healy ••• {SlowUpdatesBcoz...School}

Contemplating

Chapter 8;

It's always hard finding things around to inspire you, especially when everything around you feels boring, my whole life I wanted to grow up and do things only seen in movies, I always felt like I didn't get to have a normal teenage year where I'd go to parties where there would be heavy drug use, heavy alcohol use and all those things that would make you forget what life was even about. I had so many ideas on what to draw back when Kylie was here because she'd take me to places where I'd get so many ideas now I'm stuck.
I sat with my legs crossed flicking paint from my brush onto plain paper, it was pretty dark out so I borrowed the drama club's studio light, I was supposed to be drawing something to put on this HUGE wall but an hour or so later and I'm still here "Hey" someone's voice said underneath the balcony "What are you doing here?"

"What-What are you doing here?" I asked Matty, it was past 8 why would Matty be wandering at school

"Are you doing graffiti at your school?" he asked

"Technically, our school" I laughed "and no I'm trying to think of an idea for the school mural

"Actually yours now" he said pulling himself up on the balcony and taking a seat next to me, as he lit up his king sized cigarette I asked him what he meant by my school "I just dropped out, like I said the school stuff... It- It isn't for us, we were trying to think of new things to do as a back up but we don't need a backup anymore..." he took a long inhale and held it for a couple of seconds before releasing it into the cold thin air "We kinda just wanna do nothing"

"I wish I could do the same" I sighed,  "Well good luck"

"What are you painting then?" he asked, he finally finished his cigarette and tossed it far away from us

"I'm not entirely sure, I had a bunch of ideas back at home but I forgot to bring them and the trip there and back will just take ages" I told him "In fact I think I'm gonna get going and sketch a few random crap up" I stood up and began putting my things away as Matty helped me in silence. After we were done we began walking out of the school gates "So I guess I won't see you around anymore" I said slightly upset, he became my one friend at school and now he's leaving school so that sucks

"I guess not" he said quietly, I was hoping for him to say something about us meeting up but I guess I was wrong "I guess you and Nate are back to normal now?" he asked, I awkwardly looked around and put my hands inside my pocket without answering his question "Do you love him?" he asked out of the blue, I asked him why and he took another cigarette out "Do you? It felt so real even though we were drunk"

I didn't have much time to think about what to say, I didn't want him to think I was stalling answering the question, which I was "Matty, when I'm drunk, I tell the truth, I can never hold myself to NOT tell the truth, I do things I've been wanting to do for a long time-" I said "Did-Did I say anything to you that made you so... Distant?" I asked but he didn't say anything "Well did I?"

"Do you love him?" he asked again, I repeatedly  attempted to change the subject but he remained asking the same question over and over and looking even more distraught whenever I did not answer "Agnes... Do you?" I sighed loudly, although I wanted to say yes, I didn't think I could, Matty has a thing about him that makes you want so much more, the way he talks about the things he loves the most, the way he listens to me yap on about Nate, the way he smiles it's all so surreal "You- You said you did, that night so I'm... Im sorry" he said bluntly, I asked him why he was sorry "so many things, mostly for getting in the way of you and your boyfriend"

I let out a small laugh "you didn't get in the way of us Matty, you were drunk too right?" I asked him, I wanted to say no about loving Nate but after he didn't answer I decided to end the subject "So I'm guessing we're defiantly not seeing each other anymore?" I asked, which he again didn't answer "Ok uh I-I need to get going Matty"
He slowly nodded, not protesting over staying any longer, it was almost like he had something to say to me but didn't want to which is what I felt like too. I rolled my eyes and walked away. As soon as I reached the bus stop I turned around to see him standing exactly where he was but this time he was lighting another cigarette. He took a long drag, blew it out then walked away.

"I really am sorry Agnes, I was a dick and you're right my parents do control me so I done exactly what you said" Nate said over the phone, as soon as I got home my phone rang, almost like he was waiting for me to step in my house "I want you" he said

I walked out of the kitchen and sat on the sofa while my little dog chased her tail "I-I want you too but Nate you know they're always gonna drag you ba-"

"No no they won't I showed them, I want you Agnes and no one else- tell you what, open your door and let me show you how much I want you" I laughed and asked if he was joking which he replied by knocking on the door "I love you Agnes and I need you" he said as soon as I opened the door "Please can I come in?"

"That must be the pizza" I said to Nate, I got out of bed and put on his shirt and my slippers. He was going home so instead of cooking I ordered food. I walked downstairs and was shocked to see Matty standing outside the door, I took a quick step back "What?"

"I lied... I lied and I'm sorry I don't wanna get in the way of you and Nate but I lied it wasn't what you said and now I regret telling you it was and I'm-" before I could ask what the hell he was talking about I was interrupted by him taking a step inside and pulling me closer to him before rapidly kissing me.

I was shocked and he noticed that but I still allowed myself to kiss him back, he put his arm on my waist and before anything else I pushed myself off "No I-"

"Agnes?" I heard Nate call from upstairs "Was it the pizza?" he started walking down, he reached the door and opened it "Oh hi" he said to Matty, who didn't reply but took a cigarette out "I'm gonna get going" he kissed my cheek and walked out without saying anything else to Matty.

I opened my mouth to speak to Matty but he just laughed and lit his cigarette "What did you lie about?" I asked "And what was that about?" I asked

"Nothing" he said sharply "Wanna go get drinks love?" he asked as though nothing happened at all, I stared at him like he was completely mad, mental for doing that "Well? I'll wait for you to get dressed" he allowed himself into my house as he blew the smoke, he handed the cigarette to me and I cautiously took it from him without further questions,

"I don't understand why you done that and decided to ignore it but Im guessing I'm gonna decided to do so too, maybe you were caught up in the moment but I'd rather not contemplate what to do so I'm gonna change" I said and quickly left without giving him time to even speak.

•••••

GUYS OK SO TUESDAY I WENT TO SEE THE 1975 AND IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER THE SONGS LIVE WAS EVERYTHING I WXPECT IT TO BE BUT BETTER I LOVED IT.

HAVE ANY OF YOU SEEN THEM LIVE??

comment and vote xo