So Far ••• Matty Healy ••• {SlowUpdatesBcoz...School}

"In love with the moment"

"A fraud" "Complete lie" "Everything they say to each other, they're liars, they're not doing it for  love, they're doing it for a show" When I was in crowded places I always tend to try and pick out different conversations, different voices, to see if anyone else around me was feeling the same as I was, or thinking the same, everyone was having multiple types of conversations here but the loudest of them all was the group next to us, complaining about a couple who lied about their love to each other to keep them from falling in love with other people. "They say they love each other so many times in order to believe they really do" I really wanted to know who they were talking about, it felt like it was such a touchy subject for them.

Matty and I didn't speak much, we were both just drinking and listening to people badly sing karaoke "There they are" Matty finally said, I looked back to see what he was talking about. Ross, George and Adam walked towards us in an exciting mood, we all greeted each other then the boys ordered a round for them. We sat in a round table as the boys chatted away about the most random subjects they could possibly think of, both Matty and I didn't engage in the conversation and I'm quite sure the boys only spoke through whichever subject they could think of because the tension between Matty and I was exhausting.

I wanted to ask why there was tension but I assumed it would end badly, he'll ask questions I can't answer or won't answer or just afraid to and I will say things I shouldn't "What do you think Agnes?" George asked, I quickly tried to regain focus or somewhat remember what their previous conversation was about, but after failing George went on "Matty told us you might be interested in seeing Catfish and The Bottlemen with us, we can get an extra ticket?" George asked, I looked around and noticed Matty wasn't in front of me anymore so where even is Matty?

"Uh yeah I would love to" I said, feeling slightly awkward without Matty here as I didn't exactly know these guys I decided on going "Hey I know you guys just got here but I think I'm gonna head out" they moaned asking me to stay which I sadly refused saying I had to work on a few paintings which they gladly understood. I walked out feeling a little dizzy but good enough to go home by bus. As I reached the bus stop I took my phone out to call Nate, three rings after, I spotted Matty waiting for the bus "Matty?" I called out turning my phone off "hey what's going on? Why did you leave without-"

"I can't do this anymore Agnes" he interrupted me with a low graspy voice, I asked him what he meant "this, us, acting as if nothing ever happened, I feel like shit because I shouldn't've kissed you and I had the chance of having you to myself and I let you get away. You-You get into my head, and I don't know what it is about you but you just- you just won't get the fuck out!" I slightly took a step back as he was drunk, I tried to understand how he managed to get so fucked up within those few minutes he was gone, but it was Matty, for all I know I doubt alcohol is the only thing in his system, "Why won't you say something? Ugh I'm so fucked, I'm drunk, I'm high, I'm.... Fucked! I think ifuckingloveyou" he said slobbery, I knew he was drunk, I knew he didn't mean any of that "And you tell me the same thing you told me last time, that I'm in love with the moment, bla-" I just stood there, allowing him to get all his emotions out, although, it was hard to comprehend everything he was saying. It was almost like he was brain storming song lyrics, but still speaking his mind, it amazed me the same time as it made me scared.

"Go home" was all I managed to say, he snapped out of his trance "Matty-" with that, he yelled loudly It's when you say my name , I didn't know what to do but push him off, this wasn't Matty, he wasn't just drunk, he was on drugs, his eyes were red, his arms, as they tightly held onto me, were shaking, I tried to get him off by pushing him but he held on tighter to my wrist "Matty please, just look at me" I begged "I'M DONE!" i yelled which got him to stop but he still held on "I'm done, you're scaring me, please stop" Matty gasped, as he looked down at my wrists which were possibly bruised, I quickly wiped the tears that fell on my cheeks then looked at him who was petrified with a small tear running down his face, I held onto his face and forced him to look at me "what have you taken?" I asked, he didn't answer me, I asked over and over and he just sat on the floor and remained silent. I took out his phone and called George.

A while later, George appeared at the bus stop running towards Matty, he repeatedly snapped his fingers in attempt to get Matty's attention "What's wrong with him?" I asked, George just told me he might've drank too much, but I knew it wasn't just drinks, Matty stood up and pushed George off and began walking away, George put an arm on his shoulder which Matty angrily pushed off. George tried to hold on to Matty but Matty kept pushing him away "MATTY STOP" I ran to the boys before I fell straight to the ground.

"Agnes!" I heard Adam's voice running towards me "Are you okay? Ross get Matty" he turned back to me "Did he hurt you?" I used the sleeve of my coat to stop the blood from my lip which Matty had caused.

Matty walked towards me and I pushed him off "Just- get him home please" I saw my bus coming, Matty tried to hold onto my hand but I shrug it off "Stay away from me please" I cried "I know you didn't mean it but just, stay away"

"I'll go with her" Adam offered.

••••

hey guys I felt like the book needed a bit of beef 😂 haha I'm stupid I'm sorry
tell me if you're bored with this story cause I'm scared you are, okay much love
bye xo