I Wear Boys Underwear

Chapter Twelve: I've Got the Gut's to Say Anything, But I Won't

Chapter Twelve: I’ve Got the Gut’s to Say Anything, But I Won’t

 

“Is this what it feels like finding out 
That I've got the guts to say anything?
Feels like breaking out
When I can give up my reputation
Finally I can see,
Honestly, I've got the guts to say anything”

 

-All Time Low, Guts

 “You love him,” Nikki stated like it was a common fact known to everyone, but me.

“What!?” I whisper yelled. Yeah I was, yet again, hiding in the tub face timing my friends.

“You love him!” She yelled as she clapped her hands together in a giddy fashion.

Saturday night was a night of many, many surprises and something I really do not want to go through again. Punches were thrown, enemies were made, and I may or may not have made the biggest mistake of my life that I sort of don’t regret at all. And to make matters worse, I am a complete mess whenever I am around Blaine. I start to sweat and I get all jittery whenever he is, at least, within 5 yards from me and I don’t know why. It is freaking me out man! Freaking me out! And my so called best friends aren’t any help either. They keep spurting out their ‘wisdom of relationships’ having the audacity to tell me that I am in love with him.

“Nik, I-I can’t love him, I won’t love him! It will ruin everything!” I said pulling my hair in frustration.

It is currently Sunday night and I just got done telling Nik and Drew everything. From what happened with Spence to the whole kiss with Blaine. And as much as I would like to deny it and pray to god it wasn’t true, I knew she was right. I might not be in love with him, but I certainly was getting there. And fast. Before I could admit that he was attractive and nice and just a good friend, but after we shared that kiss. I just don’t know anymore. Sometimes I am giddy with joy that he did that, then other times I am beating myself up for allowing that to have even happened. I was slowly losing my mind with the constant back and forth emotions that came along with this situation.

“Austin I know you can be very prideful and I know, from what you have told me that Blaine is definitely a cocky son of a biscuit, but you can’t deny your feelings for him.”

“Nik, I am not denying my feelings. Although I don’t think it is love, but it is getting there it’s just this can’t happen!” I said feeling myself begin to break down from the emotional stress.

“Why? I think you two would be great together. And he obviously has something for you.” She said smiling sweetly at me trying to make me feel better.

“You don’t understand. You forgot the most import piece to this puzzle. He thinks that Skye and I are two different people and we aren’t,” Suddenly her eyes shone with understanding.

“And it will make it harder for you to come out about your identity.” Her smile faltered.