Goodbye Graceful (Ronnie Radke love story, 3rd book in The Drug In Me series )

62. Fuck

**** it's 1 am as I'm starting this, oops. Just got smacked in the head with this desire to write so hell I ain't gonna just ignore it. I hope you enjoy!! 2:20 as I publish it XD ****

*Ryker*

As soon as the door slammed behind him, I slumped to the floor, still covering my face in my hands.

I was groaning loudly, shaking my head back and forth erratically before giving up and laying down in a heap.

Lester came over snuffling my face curiously, but I had decided I was done with moving.

"Babe, come on. Get off the floor" Esha said, and I could see her crossing her arms through my fingers.

"Noooo. There's no point. Just leave me here to die" I wailed dramatically, moving my legs to lay flat on the ground.

I heard a huff and then I was being forcibly lifted and tossed, roughly may I complain, onto the couch while Esha and Leah huffed with effort.

I groaned loudly as I felt two bodies sandwich me into a sitting position.

"Just let me wallow, please" I mumbled, but someone- Leah I'm sure- smacked my leg lightly, causing me to jump in surprise.

"Quit being so melodramatic. I'm sorry Ashley's being a jealous ass, but we won't let you sink back into what you were like before Esha got here. No offense, but you were the walking dead. It was actually rather scary, living with a zombie. I thought you'd come and eat me in the night, and not in the hot way either, I'd be fine with that-" Leah rambled.

"Okay, moving on to the point, why do you think he's mad?" Esha said, waving her hand in front of my face to break my catatonic daze.

"Huh? Hell if I knew I'd have fixed it by now" I grumbled, crossing my arms.

"Just my luck, I get happy again and then Ashley has to fucking hate me now" I complained, kicking my legs like a tantrum - prone 2 year old.

"Come on, it's obvious he's jealous. Whether it's just because he doesn't want to lose your friendship or something else is the real question" Leah said, crossing her legs over mine and raising an eyebrow.

"But, why would he lose my friendship?" I asked, confused.

"Oh, you clueless little stud. You and him became friends during your heartbreak stage, remember?" Leah said, and I sighed.

"Don't remind me" I mumbled.

This whole Ronnie business was confusing and complicated, I'm still mad at him, but he makes me so- ahem, he makes me.... happy....

"Well, he could be scared that if you get back with Ronnie then he won't need to comfort you and thus lose your close friendship, or-" Leah cut off, looking at me awkwardly.

"Or...?" I pushed, raising me eyebrows.

"Well, have you ever, maybe, possibly, considered...." Leah trailed off.

I was getting frustrated. "Get out with it!" I whined, tilting my head.

"-that Ashley may like you" Esha said curtly, taking me by surprise.

"What?" I said, and I had to cut in before Esha repeated it.

"He couldn't possibly, I mean why would you, what-?" I spat out, furrowing my eyebrows.

No, I don't want complicated, and Ashley liking me would most definitely be complicated. God damnit, why did it have to be me? I mean, not that I believe Esha. Ashley couldn't like me, no way.

I mean, it's hard enough to believe one guy could like me, but 2, no way was I pushing it that far, it was complete rubbish.

"Come on, I mean, you're gorgeous, funny, and a complete sex-inducing dancer. It would make sense" Esha explained, and I shook my head fervently.

"No, no! It doesn't make sense. Ashley and I as friends, that makes sense. But, but anything else would be completely crazy, no, no!" I said, feeling my heartbeat increase as I began to panic.

I stood up abruptly, pacing back and forth with shaking hands and a mind going into overdrive.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't, I mean, you could totally be right, it could be nothing" Esha said, reaching a hand out to me and looking panicked herself.

"But it could be something" I sighed in defeat, collapsing back on the couch between them.

Fuck.

Normally in this situation I would call Ashley and go on a motorcycle ride to some ridiculous place where we'd talk crazy and act stupid, but in this case, I obviously couldn't do that.

Now, I had half a mind to call up Ronnie, but I figured that wouldn't go so well considering that we were both new to being nice and I still didn't know the details of what we were.

Instead, I guess it was a girls night.

Before I knew it, Luna was bursting in and flopping on my lap, burying her face in my neck and declaring that Ashley was a tool and that it was time for movies and popcorn and ice cream.

I mumbled something about how that could be considered sexist and set women back generations, but I took the spoon she offered and dug into the coffee flavored ice cream.

---- 3 weeks later ----

It's been 3 weeks since Ashley and I had fought. I hadn't heard from him since, though I guess he could say the same about me too.

I hadn't done much in that time, mostly hanging with the girls and occasionally Andy and Max.

Even Craig came over once, and I was proud to say I hadn't snapped at him at all. It was the start of something great. Great being me not beating his face in, he couldn't hope for more than that really.

I had spoken to Ronnie a few times, though it wasn't much more than casual meaningless chats. Along with some risqué texts, though that didn't need to be known.

I was tired, and I was sad.

I missed Ashley, missed how we could joke about sexual things without either of us getting uncomfortable. I missed riding his motorcycle. I missed talking to him. I missed him.

I hope he felt the same. I could only hope really, because I was sure that that's all I would get for a while. And hell, I was pissed at him too, even if I missed him a little. Okay, a lot.

But I was making it. Though, sometime in the past few days I had seem to have caught a bug.

I was getting sick, usually in the mornings, throwing up while feeling light headed and shitty overall.

I had a feeling Leah wanted to say something about it, but she didn't say anything.

I don't know what she'd possibly have to say, I'm sure it's just a flu or something......