Goodbye Graceful (Ronnie Radke love story, 3rd book in The Drug In Me series )

64. Scares and Conflict

**** I'm sorry for before and sorry for taking so long to update. And yeah, there's this. ****

*Ryker*

I sighed in relief as I saw the test. It was negative.

Thank fucking god.

I slowly lowered myself to the floor, leaning against the sink cabinets and closing my eyes, my hands in my hair.

I felt warm tears roll down my face. I had been so scared, oh god, scared over nothing. I still couldn't believe I let this happen. I was so close, oh god if this had gone a different way....

I felt Leah sit down next to me and I leaned my head on her shoulder, breathing deeply.

"Are you disappointed?" She asked tentatively, and I shook my head.

"No, I'm relieved. I couldn't be a mother" I mumbled.

And yet, there was something that told me maybe, one day, I'd want to have kids. Maybe, with Ronnie, we could do it right, and he could have have kids that he'd be free to see any and every time, no exceptions or limitations. Maybe. Not soon. No, but maybe.

Stop thinking like that, please, Ronnie may be well enough to fuck you, but he doesn't go in public with you, if you think he'd even consider starting a family with you, you're out of your mind.....

"Why? You're capable. I'm not saying you should, but with how you took care of me, I know you'd be a good mom. You're fiercely protective and fearless when defending your loved ones. I wish I had a mother like you. We all do" Leah said, and I sniffled, sitting up and looking at her.

"Oh beauty, I'm here for you now, it's okay" I said to her, reaching my arms out to her and laying my legs flat so she could sit on me. I held her in my arms and rocked her, humming in her hair as I lay my head on her shoulder.

"I've got you okay? The past matters, but it doesn't control us" I murmured, not knowing if Leah heard or not.

How had all of this happened to us? Had we done something or did the universe just hate us for no reason?

It was always us against the world. And I was tired. I was tired of it. I was tired of feeling like this. Just so tired.

I wanted, for once, to be able to think something positive about myself and not have to force it or fake it. I wanted something real besides the pain, the hate, the hurt. I just wanted to be happy....

I wanted the impossible.

----Next Day----

I was taking a walk when I passed by the café where Luna and company has been.

Not much interested in eating, I kept walking, staring through the windows as I passed. I was going to keep on my way, but something, or someone caught my attention.

Ashley was sitting there, saying nothing as a barista was most likely shamelessly flirting with him. He looked bored, upset, something.

Fuck, I may be about to do something stupid. If he caused a scene - I could only hope would let me talk, hear me out. I can only hope....

I took a shaky breath and smoothed my hair out before walking in. I creeped around the café so he wouldn't see me coming, and when I got behind him, my eyes met the barista's.

She narrowed her eyes and reached across the table, grasping Ashley's loose hands.

"Anyways, I was just wondering if you wanted to come see it" she said, leaning over and I had to hold a laugh as her boobs tumbled out of her shirt. Poor things were one more move from completely freeing themselves....

"I'm busy" Ashley deadpanned, and the girl looked like she didn't understand.

"I haven't even told you when-" she started, but Ashley pulled his hands away, silencing her.

"I said I'm busy" he repeated, and I couldn't help it, letting out a snort of a laugh before walking around.

"Hi sorry, is this seat taken? Great" I said, lightly pushing the girl out of the seat and sitting down across from Ashley.

"Hi" I said, resting my head in my hands and staring at him.

He hummed a response, and I sighed, looking away.

"Okay, I'll start. I'm sorry I yelled at you. But come on, are we letting a boy get between us? That's lame, this isn't a teeny bopper coming of age movie where I have to do yoga at 5 am and move to a different country and change my outlook before you change your mind and forgive me only for it to be too late" I said, pursing my lips into a pout and raising my eyebrows to give my eyes a droopy sad look.

Ashley exhaled loudly, looking at me for a moment before turning away.

"I don't like what you're doing" he said, and I nodded, holding my hand out for a shake or anything that would suggest that Ashley forgave me.

Ashley did and said nothing.

"Okay fine, we won't talk about it. As far as it goes, nothing happened, Ronnie doesn't exist. Come on, don't leave me hanging here, I miss you" I pleaded, still holding my hand out.

After a dramatic groan and eye roll, Ashley nodded and smacked my hand before pounding it. I made explosion sounds as I pulled my hand away, and Ashley rolled his eyes, but there was a bit of a smile on his face.

I grinned in relief and stood up, nodding and shoving my shaking hands in my pockets.

As we walked out, Ashley sent me sly eyes, a smirk on his lips.

"For the record, you cock-blocked me" he said, and I snorted.

"Yeah right, you did it yourself mister Purdy" I huffed, biting my tongue to keep from laughing.

"Nah, I was just playing hard to get" Ashley insisted, grinning.

"Ashley Purdy, hard to get? Yeah right, that's a lie if I've ever heard one" I grinned, nudging him with my shoulder.

"Whatever. Text me okay" he said and started walking away.

"I'll think about it" I called after him, laughing to myself and sighing happily.

Finally. I had my friend back, and I had Ronnie, whatever he was to me....

Speak of the devil, I turned around and saw Ronnie himself walking towards me.

I bit my lip smiling, feeling my heart start to lift in my throat as I took a step to greet him.

That is, until I saw who was hanging off of his arm, smiling and leaning up close to his face; then my heart dropped so far I felt like my whole body was falling into a pit, dread and disappointment filling me to the brim.

Daisy.