Goodbye Moon »

Away From You (Felt Like Forever)

For what had only been close to a week from avoiding almost any social contact with anyone except the people I worked with, only because I had to, it somehow managed to feel like forever to me. 

I craved human affection, it was hard to live without and without it, I felt empty and betrayed even when the blame could be put on nobody but myself. To be frank, I was the one who had cancelled plans and then avoided making any, but at the same time, I still desired to be around someone. It was conflicting to me. 

While sitting in my room, having called into work for the sole fact I just didn't feel like going and having to discuss the stock market and this weeks sales with people I didn't much care for. I should have been enjoying myself of a day off like I tended to do, or at least cleaning some part of the apartment, but instead I found myself doing nothing. 

I had reached for my phone only to see two missed calls from my mom. I had no intention to call her back and I think she knew that. She could tell when I was in what she had dubbed "my moods."

Who I had wanted to see was Alexa, at least trying to care. I had cancelled plans with her last minute one too many times I assumed and she figured I had needed space, which was the opposite of what I needed. I needed a hug. 

It took me a minute to come to the conclusion that I wasn't going to be denied such a privileged right that I have a girl who cares about me and at the moment I needed someone to hold me and bring me from the mood I had dug myself into somehow.

I peeled myself from underneath the blankets I had piled onto myself and changed into  the clothes that had been closest to me. 

When I walked outside of the apartment complex, my arms instinctively wrapped around myself as I felt the cold sting my skin. I considered for a second walking back inside to grab a coat which I had somehow managed to neglect, but decided the walk back wasn't worth it and that I would be able to stick out the cold until I could get to the building. Living here I had gotten used to the cold climate anyways. 

The walk to Alexa's building turned out to be more and more agonizing with every step I took and I decided it had been a mistake to leave a jacket in my room and not turn back to go and get it. I could have taken an elevator after all and yet I had still been one of the most stubborn person I had met. I couldn't even do a simple task, but I supposed the walk hadn't seemed so long when the weather was nice and I was distracted thinking up excuses on my way to work on why I was late. Usually I just ended up there rather than actually taking the time to notice my surroundings. 

Leaves fell subtly to the ground in soft piles, collecting under giant trees shedding like an old man loosing hair. The sky was dark and filled with clouds, almost as if it was going to rain and suddenly I wished I had brought an umbrella as well. Maybe this entire idea had been a mistake anyways, but it seemed too late to turn back at this point and I had to continue. 

By the time I reached the large building, I had never been more relieved. I felt an overwhelming sense of security and stopped just right outside the giant revolving doors. When I realized I hadn't entered the building yet, I shook my head at my spacing out and walked into the large lobby. 

Men in business suits talked on leather couches, woman dressed in high design dresses chatted with red wine twirling gracefully in their glasses between their fingers as a fire crackled loudly on either side of the room. Standing on the brown marble floor I had never felt more out of place. I wrapped my arms around myself, staring at the giant chandelier above the front desk. 

When I walked up, a woman who looked only about late twenties looked up at me and smiled. Her face looked kind and suddenly I didn't feel as judged surrounded by all of these people who sweated money. I couldn't help but smile back to her. 

"Can I help you?" Her voice was soft and kind and I felt myself wanting to invite her to lunch, to get to know her, but I had come here with a goal in mind and I wanted to accomplish it before Alexa could find out. 

"Alexa." was my reply. It came out weak and I found myself staring at the floor nervously as I suddenly remembered everyone around me. I didn't fit in and they all knew it. I had never been here before, I hadn't known what to expect. For the third time this week I felt like crying. 

I heard the woman say something in front of me but it sounded distant and I almost didn't hear her, until she had said "Miss" to me again. 

"Seventh floor." 

I thanked her and walked over to the elevator. Thankfully the buttons looked basic and not crazy like the rest of the room. I entered the small elevator, followed a few other people. 

A man in a deep blue suit stood beside the large collection of buttons attached to the wall. When I reached over to press the large '7', the man cleared his throat and looked at me. 

"What floor?" He asked, his voice and intimidating. I could feel the glare of the people standing behind me as they must have all had a number as well. 

"Seven" I said quietly, my voice falling flat again as a chorus of numbers rang out through the rest of the elevator. 

I had no idea how he would have managed to gather the rest of the numbers that had been said, but he pushed multiple buttons and for the rest of the ride no other complaints were heard. 

I was the third to exit. A woman got off on the third floor and a man on the fifth. I could only catch a glimpse of each floor but each one looked extravagant and if I had enough time I would have loved to see all of the floors the building seemed to offer. Today I could only see one. 

When we reached my floor, a ding rang through and the doors moved to their respective sides to reveal an almost blindingly white office. 

The floors shone brightly as if they had a guy exclusively dedicated to shining the floors. The walls were painted a cream color with black and white pictures of smiling faces hung in golden frames, a plaque underneath stating their job and achievement to earn such a picture. Beautiful wooden desks were scattered across the room, people in suits and dresses sat talking on the phone or typing at a computer. All of them looked too busy to notice my entrance and I couldn't have been more grateful. 

I didn't see any familiar face and had resorted to looking around in rooms and at desks until I finally spotted a door with her name carved onto a golden plaque, glued to the dark wooden door. I smiled and knocked lightly before letting myself in afterwards. 

Alexa sat at a desk and was writing with a pen. I shut the door behind me before she finally looked up to see who it was. A large grin broke out across her face as she dropped the large ball point pen in her hand and stood up with excitement. She crossed the room and grabbed both of my hands in her larger ones. 

"Lynn, oh my god! What are you doing here?" She asked looking at me. 

I didn't know what to say. I had come looking for a simple hug and yet didn't know how to ask for one. I had accepted the cold and judgmental glances from strangers I didn't care to know, but somehow one of the simplest requests still seemed hard for me to get out at the moment. 

Alexa must have sensed my dilemma and took a step forward. At first she dropped my hands from hers before standing on her tip toes and wrapping her long arms around myself. 

I felt myself enveloped in warmth and suddenly felt safe. I could see the city skyline through a large window in her office, but instead found myself closing my eyes peacefully as my arms came up and wrapped around her too.