From My Beloved Heart To Your Ignorant Skull

Rewinding The Past: To The Ignorant

 Freshman year was a blur. I cant really remember much, and it was all in this year! Wow! But I gotta say; freshman year was the best of all my school years. Not only did I grow more bond with my friends from middle school but I actually got to open myself more.

Yes, I have to admit I went through all level and stages of emotion through out it all. But hey, I'm just growing up right? All just the beginning. A start of the race.

Although when I was running the race with other participants I stopped many times and scrapped my knee. Or perhaps felt a sharp pain within my calf. Due to the pain and injury my smart self stopped running and watched and observed the pain I felt in the injury. Adding more salt to the pain; that is what I was doing. And I regret it all.

I was given one more opportunity to do it. Just one more. But I screwed it all. Lost the chance I had. After not seeing him, Sebastian for a whole year back in middle school; I didn’t quite suffer but I felt guilty as hell. Felt like I was the troll in this game.

You see, he was one grade level than I was. He was a nice kid. I just saw him as this dude I had for digital art. A casual guy. But I never stood still and look back from his eyes. Maybe I was a friend to him, more than just that tall bitch with black hair.

Maybe.

But I never thought of it twice like that. Boys never caught my attention like that. Course I thought that two or three guys looked attractive but not as in 'deep crush' nah, not me. But at that time I still couldn’t see why so many girls looked at me with stinging eyes at me whenever Sebastian and I walked through the halls together.

Envy?

Jealousy?

What? It wasn’t like I was holding his hand and letting him grab my waist! No. Perhaps it was the way I treated him.

Yes, it was that.

Whenever he would finish his work he would look up to me, to see if I have finished too. Grab the nearest stool he would find, drag it to my desk just right next to me. He sat down, straighten himself and just gazed at. More like observe me work; but secretly I did not mind at all. It was nice having a guy watch you work; especially one that has girls drooling for him. I didn’t really realize that after the middle of the year. A girl in our class would flip her hair when she approached him, batted her eyes to catch his eyes and even giggled on purpose whenever he opened his mouth. The chick made the message very broad and clear for him to catch on. And assuming like any other guy out here in school he would flirt back. But he didn’t. He would just simply mocked the girl and mimicked the girl's flirtations. I gotta say, that was pretty amazing! When he was done he would come to me and talk about anything.

You see that was the type of guy who was truly worth it! He didn’t deserve a gal like me to crush on. Well, a crush CRUSH I didn’t know it was official but according to others it was true. But would my pre teen mind listen to it? No... The times he would stand in the middle of the lunch room and just look around. Look around and to spot me. To spot me and run to a sit next to me. I kid you not when I say so. All my friends would ask 'whose this guy friend of yours?' with a lift of their brows. I would shake them all of and say 'Don’t know him. Never saw him in my life.' And the times I have said it when he was present. In his presence. Did it hurt his teen mind? Not at all. Okay, so he held it in for months. Perhaps till the mid end of the school year. And being a typical woman I must say: I loved having him in my finger tips. To just look over my shoulder and see he was there; to see he was gazing down at me. I loved that. Pure attention. But being a typical girl I wanted to play hard to get. So I would run away from him and go off with my friends.

Our school would provide us with half an hour of relaxation after lunch before we step the hell of class once again. And at that spare little time my friends and I would sit around in the tables and just chit chat. Once one of my friends elbowed my ribs and murmured something to my ear. I couldn’t hear it clear but once I saw where that finger pointed at I knew right away what she said: 'There he is' Course he would have a big bright mocking grin on him. Outside I frowned at him and rolled my eyes. But deep inside I liked the intense attention I got from him.